Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - i need to talk i don't feel safe

[fairy]

im sorry im probably just wasting space but i just want to end it all at the moment and maybe this will help.
i've been SA by my step father for the past 7years. its only just recently come out in the open through no choice of my own, i was admitted to hospital after a suicide attempt which wouldve worked, and my mother in law to be the only person ive ever trusted to tell about my abuse told my mum and gran which she promised shed never do so now i cant trust her and talk to her anymore about this and i need to he got to me again today i cant believe it happened but it did im just too weak to fight him off i hate myself soooo much for letting him do it but i must deserve it or it wouldnt happen. i know this and i know its my fault but while i was in hospital i had a miscarriage brought on by my overdose and stress i didnt even know i was pregnant i was at least 16wks gone the nurses said it was aboy the nurses asked if i wanted to hold him but i couldnt all i could see was HIS face so the nurse held him while he took his only breath and died the nurse was horrible she said she didnt know how heartless i was and that i didnt deserve to have anymore kids and that it was my fault he died but she didnt understand the circumstances.
since coming out of hospital ive bee really bad im self harming more than normal and i wish i was with my baby, i just dont know what to do anymore. as long as im alive HE can get to me i cant see any other way.
sorry ive wasted the space and your time if youve read this.

[Spoons]

*holds you tight*

Sweetheart you are not wasting space at all.
It may feel like your mother in law betrayed your trust but she probably only did it to help you, maybe she thought it was the right thing to do, she couldnt keep it to herslef.
You are not weak at all sweetheart, its hard to fight, i know.

The nurse was bang out of order, she shouldnt treat you like that whether she knew your circumstances or not, have you thought about making a complaint against her?
if you want to talk then pm me ok
take care
amy
xxx

[troubleshooter]

*hugs tight* Nurses like that give nurses a bad name! It's not your fault that you get hurt, no matter what anyone says. You need to get help for your abuse, and remember that you didn't cause or deserve any of it. Your baby wasn't ready to be born, and you havne't wasted our time at all honey. Everyone is welcome to post here.

[restoredman]

I know it's tough to believe you have worth, that this is NOT your fault because of what others tell you so often that you begin to believe what they say and what you say in your head.

All the previous posts say this and let me say it to you again. This is not your fault!! You can escape and there are people (me, others who have written and read your post) that can see you are worth our time and our thoughts.

I do not know where you are but I am sure there are abuse services in your area weather from the government, local communities or even the church. You don't have to believe everything they do for them to help - that is why they are there, to help YOU.

As a survivor of sexual abuse (still learning how to survive) and as a human - my heart aches for you in your pain.

Please don't hurt yourself any more - please.

restored man
twloha

I agree with Spoons, you should definitely make a complaint. It takes the victims determination to overcome the bully. You got our help :) I'm available any time via PM or MSN. As for your Step-Father... I'd like to meet him. That kind of person should be hung by their testacles.
Please don't think of yourself as a wasre of space either, your not!!!!

*huggles*
xx

[green.eyes]

*hugs*
i'm so sorry you've had t go through this sweetheart.
surely of your mum knows she'll at least confront him about it.
if it happens again tell the police- i know it would be really difficult
but you dont deserve this at all
i'm sorry the nurse was so unprofessional hun. she has no idea what she's talking about.
in the long run its probably better that its out in the open, try not to be oo mad at your mother in law, she was just worried.
i really hope things get better
take care
PM me anytime