Triggering (Abuse) - Unsettled

[livingnotbreathing]

I don't know if this is abuse.
But an online sexual predator
there we go.
Um I went through that?
Talking with, turning in, dealing with after effects
Of a sexual predator
You would think I would stray away from that now
Seeing as it really was a terrible expirience
But
Now I go looking for things...like that?
Like I go onto sites meant for finding someone to "hook up "with
And I do things
That I didn't even know happened until the predator
I am not doing things
I would have done before the predator. "sexualized" is what the counsellor said but I denied it.
I feel so terrible. does anyone have any idea why I'm going towards the exact same things that got me in a bad place..?

[troubleshooter]

That is definately abuse. *hugs close* and what your counselor said sounds right. Sexual things and stuff like that can get addicting. Also, you might feel like you deserve it. *hugs* And try your very best to stay away from people like that who will hurt you, it shouldn't happen honey.

[Sometimes Crazy]

*takes a really deep breath* I've...had that as well. The whole "online" thing. It's only just recently that I accepted it - up until then I didn't know why I put trigger warnings on my threads. I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone in being affected by this - and that you're so brave for stopping him. Nobody should go through this. Stay strong, love - PM anytime you need me, I'm here for you *safe warm cuddles*

xx

[livingnotbreathing]

I know it's hard.
It's a pretty scary sotry how I met him too.
I'm sorry you had to go through that hun.
Thanks
-s

[Amaryllis]

It's okay to feel like you feel right now.

Something that happens sometimes when someone is abused in some way is that they felt like they were loved during the abuse. So they seek out similar situations. Like, someone who got raped all of a sudden has sex all the time with lots of people. That's one way to deal with it.

I'm not saying it's a healthy way to deal with it, but it's A way. You should probably talk more with your therapist about this.

[livingnotbreathing]

Thanks for replying.
It's just, I'm not the sort of person, or at a certain age where anything sexual is even seen as happenign
ever.
I don't talk about the sexula predator with like any doctor i see now becuase its in the past and I always pushed it away.
People asked in the beginning if I felt sexualized. I did in a way but everythign was so confusing then.
I think I'm going to try to discuss it with my counsellor monday. thank you