First of all, I'm sorry I haven't been helping anyone recently. I've just been too scared to, and I've felt too down to be able to offer anything more than hugs. Secondly, this is really difficult for me because I find it hard to ask for help.
I really just need support at the moment. I feel like I'm losing control of my self-harm. I'm needing to do it more and more and deeper each time. I mean, it's still not bad compared to other people, but I'm worried that it's getting out of hand. I seem to be using anything as an excuse to cut, and I really hate myself. I keep needing to punish myself for being 'stupid' or 'bad'.
I'm not getting the support I need. No-one seems to care about it, or me. I feel so alone in all of this. I just want someone to come along and make it all better, but I know that's not going to happen. If it's not too much trouble, I could just do with some hugs or some support to help me believe that things will get better. Thanks ever so much.
Lily
xx
My RYL Family:
Too Shy is my Little Sister! Kiran is my Purple Pot Plant!
Location: London . . . the less awesome one in Ontario, Canada
Hi Lily,
I'm sorry I don't have much to offer in the way of advice, as I'm feeling a bit low myself these last few weeks, but please know that we are all here for you. We care about you, and we're all cheering you on to beat this thing. Please take care of yourself, and let us know if there is anything we can do to help.
First of all, its good you posted and reached out for help.
You know yourself that you feel your self-harming is getting out of control. Does punishing yourself by cutting make you feel better? You dont need to punish yourself because you arnt bad or stupid, but i know how it feels to hurt yourself for punishment, as much as you think you deserve it you dont. You have to tell yourself that you dont deserve it, you are better than all of this, dont let it consume you and win.
You say your not getting the support you need, what kind of support do you think you need? Im already guessing youve perhaps been to the doctors? if so what happend?.
People do care, but i know from my experiance its not a situation people like to be in, they dont know what to do or say for fear of making you feel worser. Could you talk to friends and ask for a little help and support? Things can and WILL get better, and its hard when you hit your low days, you have to start thinking about what help and support you need and we will try our best to help you help yourself get that. *hug*
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
Bleeding Angel - Punishing myself by cutting DOES make me feel better, well, for a while anyway. I've just learnt it as a way to deal with things when things go wrong.
When I say I need more support, I mean people to help me understand why I self-harm, and to find new, more constructive ways of dealing with how I feel. Just talking about it really, rather than it being avoided. I've got a CPN and a psychiatrist, but I hardly ever see them, and more recently I find I'm not able to talk to them about the things I NEED to talk to them about. I also don't feel able to talk to my family anymore, so I feel even more abandoned and cut off. As for friends -ha! I haven't got any, for long, complicated reasons that boil down to - who the hell would like me?! But enough with the self-pity...
Thanks again everyone, it means a lot.
Lily
xx
My RYL Family:
Too Shy is my Little Sister! Kiran is my Purple Pot Plant!
How can you actually comfort yourself, safely? What would that mean to you? Being wrapped up warm and safe in a blanket, feeling held? What might soothe you, without hurting you?
Hey Lily. I'm sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment. Don't worry about not helping people as much lately - remember what you've said to me before? You need to focus on yourself too - you need to look after yourself before concentrating on everyone else. And well done for asking for help too, it's really good that you did. :)
I don't really know what to say to help really, apart from please stay safe. You mean so much to me, and to everyone else on here, and I'd hate for anything to happen to you. Try and fighter the urges to cut deeper, if you can - use the Arcade, F&D pages, watch TV, listen to music, talk to someone (on here or in real life, whichever helps you most), go for a walk - try and do something safe instead, to release the tension or whatever is making you feel like you need to hurt yourself.
Also, I know saying this won't make you believe it, but you really don't deserve to hate yourself. You really are a lovely person, you're not 'stupid' or 'bad', and you don't deserve to hurt yourself.
Could you speak to your CPN about how you're feeling at the moment? If you don't want to talk to them in person, could you write a letter telling them how you feel - that could give you time to think about exactly what you need to say, and it's less scary sometimes in a letter than it is in person. There's some self-harm support groups in the area where I live, which focus on helping people to understand why they self-harm - is there anything like that that you could try, do you think?
I'm really sorry I can't say anything useful, but please just take care of yourself.
I will try to fight the urges, it's just I feel I would do better at it if there was someone here to support me. But I don't have that.
I just hate myself at the moment, and yet again, I need someone to help me change that. It's all about not having the people in my life that I need to help me.
In theory I could talk to my CPN, but I do find it hard to talk to her and she never seems to let me talk about what I want to talk about. So I just give in and don't say anything because I don't have the confidence to. I guess I could try writing down what I want to talk about and pass it to her at the start, I'll see. You're lucky having support groups around. There doesn't seem to be anything like that where I live. It's exactly what I've been looking for, so I'm quite unhappy about that. :( But never mind.
You HAVE said a lot of very useful things. It really helps to know that people care, so thank you again!
Lily
xx
My RYL Family:
Too Shy is my Little Sister! Kiran is my Purple Pot Plant!
