I hate my body so much

[ferretmonster]

I always have, it comes from being fat since i was a kid and i try and fail to get anywhere,

Last night i was getting ready for a night out, saw my self in the mirror and bawled my eyes out screaming and shouting saying i wasnt going out anymore,

i did go out but i spent all night thinking about my fatty bits,

tonight im sat here crying to myself because i just hate being me sometimes, i just want to cry and cry

Im not looking for anything in particular from writing this, i just wanted to tell someone and not feel like a complete prat

[Katch]

Crazy Rabbit Lady says it all - good advise. I think a lot of us have very negative body images and that's tough to deal with on an everyday basis and it does get you down. You are not a 'prat' for sharing that. Try and look at other people the same size as you and see how confident some of them are - it all comes from inside - it's not the outside that matters to anyone else - only yourself. I really hope you can get more confident with your body as I know that if you go out there with a smile people will smile with you (and not at you). I wish you all the best and I promise you that you are not alone. xxx

[ferretmonster]

thanks, believe it or not i probably appear to be a confident person to others, im a drama teacher insecondary school so not shy but inside im just not the same person, i find it hard to talk about pretty much anything, im the kind of person who makes jokes about it all, life and soul of the party etc but really i just want to cry,

i moved a few years back and live in an area where i dont really have many friends these days, when i was at uni we would all go exercise together and that but now i just feel like i dont have anyone to do that with and my motivation is rubbish because of it.

i keep trying to think of hobbies to do but i just dont know what :/ exercise in public makes me feel so self concious, im trying to start swimming atm with my boyfriend so i shall see how that goes ... thanks for the replies

[Katch]

Fully understand how you can appear so different to others - I spend most of my time on a microphone and I am as confident as anything - take my microphone away and I am lost, insecure and scared. I think thats quite a normal thing.
You should look around for a club of some sort that you could go to on your own - you'd soon get to know people and then find out what other clubs they go to and join the ones that interest you. It's a hard step to take at first but I am positive it wouldn't be long before you felt like you fitted in - it must be so hard moving to a new area.

[ferretmonster]

i keep thinking i should get back into am dram, its just i work such long hours sometimes with exams and trips i dont know if i could do it,

i just bought a exercise dvd but feeling slightly hungover today so watched it while i ate my pasta which is what bought on the renewed hatred when someone online commented on it, *sigh* i was feeling ok until then

thanks for the help guys, i might go google to see whats on around here

[Katch]

Working long hours is tiring - but even though you are tired you might not sleep well - and still be tired the next day - if you could join an am dram club it would be a later finish but I bet you would enjoy it and sleep really well. Also with exams and trips all you need to do is explain there will be some weeks when you may not be able to make it.
Drama groups are one of the best ways of meeting new people - I am sure you will agree with that.

[ferretmonster]

wow the local group put on 4 productions a year! they also have a gathering on a tuesday to meet and greet, i cant go for a few weeks though as i have school things then visitors btu hopefully ill remember.

one fo the plus points of teaching is i dont have time to think about me tbh means less mopping around

thanks all for the hugs, i forget they are there :)

[Katch]

cool - that gives you something to look forward to - please try and make yourself go - i am sure its the right thing for you.

[irkeninvader]

Sounds like the am dram would be a good thing for you, if it's something you're already interested in :) I used to do it and I miss being involved in that sort of thing. Sorry you're having a hard time with your self esteem. I hope letting it out on here helped a bit.

[ferretmonster]

feeling a bit mroe positive today, just some exercise from my dvd :)

[irkeninvader]

That's good then :) *hugs*