I want to cut right now. It's been over 2 months now, and everything was going great, I was even noticing a change in my mood for the better. But, things changed. I don't know what I'm doing in my future at all now, like, I knew what I was going to be doing in the summer and next year and everything, but because of my cutting I can't do the necessary parts of the uni course over the summer, and therefore can't progress to the second year.
It's just hit me tonight how much of a mess my future, and ultimately, my career's in. I went for a medical last week, and failed cause of past self harm issues, even though I've never been diagnosed with anything.
I've got to go into uni tomorrow and tell my tutor all of this tomorrow. I got through almost a whole year of not mentioning the self harn, and now I've got to go in and admit everything to him. It's stressing me out so much. The one thing that's been helping me to not cut is being able to go flying again, because it calms me down so much, and because of self harm I can't do that anymore, and it's stressing me out.
I don't know exactly what I wanted from this post. Ideas on how I can broach the subject with my tutor I suppose? I mean I know I've just got to leave my inhibitians behind and tell him, but, how?
Sorry it's so long, and if it makes no sense.
~Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly~
Big well done hugs on 2 months free! Keep fighting the urges and distracting yourself, you're doing so well! Could you maybe write this down for your tutor? Or if you are quite comfortable with him/her, you could say there was something you wanted to share/say and go from there. Be as open as you can and plan your responses to any questions so you feel more prepared. Good luck!
Thanks :) I've spoken to him about other issues and things before, but nothing to do with myself. If you get what I mean? Like, stuff to do with parents and stuff. He's really understanding and everything, but it's just the admitting to this particular issue that gets at me.
I think I'll be fine with the answering the questions, that part doesn't bother me, it's just the initial broaching of the subject and actually saying it all aloud that's the problem. I think printing this off, and using it as a prompt sheet may help, actually.
Thank you. xxx
~Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly~
Well I didn't cut last night, which I'm glad about. I'm feeling strangely calm about the whole having to talk to him today, maybe because I know I've got this and another thread I made that are going to help me to talk about it. I'll update later once I've spoken to him.
xx
~Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly~
Seems I may have been panicking over nothing in the end. Just had a phonecall from the people issuing the medical to say that if I can get a note from my doctor saying that this was just an isolated case (which, as far as he's concerned, it is, cause I'm a wimp and never followed up on the initial appointment :S) then the American Authorities are happy to issue the medical.
Still gotta talk to my tutor about the whole thing mind, cause I'm supposed to have the medical by now. Wish me luck?
~Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly~
Hey there *Big hugs* Well done on being 2 months free thats excellent! Your doing really well. Keep up the good work! Thats a great achievement. Im really proud of you. Good luck i wish you all the best. In the mean time just try to keep yourself distracted this is the big list of distractions that is packed full of different distractions you can http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ead.php?t=1403 its vital to not be to hard on yourself and be gentle with yourself. Being hard on yourself will only create more problems and could make things worse. Take things in small steps a day at a time. Keep fighting through this you can get through this. We are all here for you.
