Triggering (SI) - justification

[flying rain]

I fail so hard.

I'm just another goddamn stereotype. Emo kid cutting herself. Can't deal with my own problems in a healthy way. I DON'T ****ING CARE ANYMORE. My parents aren't going to find out this time. I'm not telling mom, and dad threatened me a few years ago, so I'm obviously not telling him anything. I told a few friends. They're ashamed/disappointed in me. I know that. It's okay. I deserve those bad feelings. I'm lucky I have any friends at all.

I want some ****ing control over my life. Something. If I am going to feel so much pain, I need to control a little of it sometimes. People say it's an unhealthy coping mechanism. It's no more harmful than the more socially accepted ways of having a drink, or a smoke. Those people aren't considered mentally ill or deranged or unstable. They aren't encouraged to give up their coping mechanisms--why should I give this up?

Might have mono, and no one I've talked to cares. My mom thinks I'm a hypochondriac. I can't talk to people. I hate being in college with no friends. I hate myself. I hate my grades. I hate being depressed and feeling disgusting. I hate how I eat because it's the only thing that hasn't completely lost its zeal when I get like this.

Ugh. So worthless. Such a waste of a good conscious mind. Could they just cut my brain out and give it to somebody who isn't completely ****ed in the head? People say that smarter individuals have a higher chance of having some mental issues (bipolar, depression, add, etc) I'm average intelligence, and I have it. Not even worth the effort to save my mind.

[Slip]

I don't really know what to say, except, you are worth it. We all are, we just have trouble seeing it sometimes that all.

I really hope you feel better soon, take care xxx

[irkeninvader]

Hun, I'm sorry you feel so down. You don't deserve bad feelings, you deserve to be happy just like everyone does.

Forgive my ignorance but what is mono? Have you seen your doctor about it?

I hope you feel better soon. Sending good thoughts your way :)

[Yellow]

*snuggles you close*
please try not harming.
its only a temporary release that leads to guilt afterwards...not to mention the scars.
im sorry i cant help more.
but you are worth so much more than this.
loves.
xxxxx

[chocostashchick]

you are not worthless. who defines average anyway? who says that your mind isn't worth saving? i used to work with people who were severely disabled, not able to live on their own, had serious cognitive impairments. i dont want to be like harsh/rude but they had disabilities, too, sort of like how mental illness is a disability, and they sure were not smarter than average, but did that mean that their lives and health weren't worth fighting for? not at all and i am sure that few people would disagree. so is a mental illness any different? no - it isn't. depression and SI and all of that crap that we deal with doesnt make us any less worth fighting for and just because you may not be a genius and super-smart doesnt mean that you aren't worth the effort. we are all worth the effort, be we severely disabled or mentally ill or whatever.

also, you do have control of your life and you don't have to SI in order to keep it. we all are in control of our lives, and if anything i feel like the SI makes me LESS in control because i get obsessed with the behavior and think about it all the time and lose track of other things. anyway, the SI is actually not helping us be in control at all because we already have that control and in terms of keeping stable and being independent, we need to get better and be healthy in order to maintain it.

do you have anybody to talk to? counsellor at school or your doc? you can get better and they can help hun you dont have to do it alone. xxxooo callie

[BoundNoMore]

(((hugs))) Flying Rain... you remind me a lot of myself... thinking you deserve to feel bad, etc. BUT YOU DON'T