Triggering (SI) - I don't know...[graphic - cutting]
Just been reading another thread that I know I should have kept myself away from because I knew it would end up leaving me feeling like this but I feel like this anyway so in some ways it's good as it's given me the motivation to get this off my chest really.
I've cut myelf for the last three(ish) years, but recently I've been doing it less and less and now only do it occasionaly when something gets too much.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Graphic and also possible to take the wrong way
But I've never ever cut deeply, I've only ever cut deeply enough so I only just begin to bleed, not even enough so it runs. It's been enough for me that there is blood. But I hate the fact that I call myself a harmer, yet I barely harm, I barely cut myself and there are so many people out there who cut deep. I just feel like a fraud. I don't mean for this to sound like I'm glamourising s/h, because I'm not at all and I'm sorry if it comes across like that. God, shut up me
hey sweet pea, sorr this is not going to be good cos I'm rubbish at giving advice, but you are not a fraud, S/H is no competition, if you feel bad enough to harm yourself in anyway, then obviously somthing is not right, some people just have higher pain thresholds and for some people its just the way they do things...
but it doesn't matter how badly you harm yourself, if you do, then you need help. Period.
sorry if this is no help
if you need to talk, feel free to PM me,
Hey i dont think yer a fraud. I used to be lyk that only cutting shallow for 4 years but now im away from my home town and im started to cut deep its scary. But anyone who cuts has a problem and needs help and we all deserve help
sweetie, i've been a self harmer for two years, and i've never cut 'deep'. does that mean im hurting any less? or that im nto a real self harmer? no it doesnt, and the same applies to you. its not normal or healthy to be diliberatly harming yoruself as a copeing mechanism, it doesnt matter how deep the cuts are, jsut the fac tyour doing them. i've gradually been cuttign less too. less frequently and not as many cuts each 'session'. that doesnt mean my probelms are goign away, just that i figured cuttign woudltn solve them. it doesnt sound sliek yrou glamoriesing it, a lot of self harmers fele the same way you do. it hsoudl be noted that the majority of self harmers dont go deep at all, and cut similar to wha tyou do.
i do agree with you on one point though; you shouldnt cal yoruself 'a harmer'. not becuase you dotn cut deep enough, or often enough, but becuase cutting does not define who you are. there is so much mroe to you than self harm. you can say 'i self harm' or soemthing along those lines, but you are not 'jsut a harmer', same way someone with anorexia isnt jsut an anorexic. you are so much mroe than jsu tyourself harm, an dhopefully one day you can see that, but for now, please try to trust me ok?
*hugs you tight*
PM me if you want to talk ok?
liz
"I would be almighty in my own world of art, even if I had to paint my pictures with my wet tongue on the dusty floor of my cell." -Picasso
"No, painting is not done to decorate apartments. It is an instrument of war." - Picasso
'I have scars becuase I have a past; but they, like my past, do not define my future'
Thank you everyone I just feel like this is another thing I fail in but I know that harming in anyway isn't the right way to go about trying to feel better. Just gotta start trying to not cut at all when I do feel like I need to. Thank you again.
[He he, if anyone needs a giggle, my dog's asleep and has hiccups! That's cheered me up, easily amused is I!]
Just because you don't do it deep doesn't mean that you shouldn't call yourself a SH-er, many people don't, it just sometimes doesn't seem that way and I can remember thinking the same as you that I didn't cut deep enough to be called one and then I found out I've been a SHer for pretty much the whole of my life without even realising it! It sounds pretty cliched but it's not the level of damage that youdo that's the important bit but what is causing you to do it. You're not a fraud for calling yourself a SHer and you do deserve as much support as everyone else. Plus, there will be a lot of people on here thinking just the same as you right now.
i don't think you're a fraud. when i've done small cuts, my emotional pain was no less than when i did the worst of them. a person deserves help no matter how 'bad' their self-harm is, including you. and [Purple Rain] is right, we don't need labels, we're just us. you'll always be you whether you cut deep or not at all.
hey amialone
just been reading these and completely agree with what everyone's said. Everyone deserves help. I don't cut that deeply either, enough to leave scars or whatever but i often feel fraud-like because i dont do anything that 'dangerous.' but its not the wounds you're making that matter, it's the reasons you feel the need to do it which are important. dont let anyone tell you any different! anyway dont listen to me listen to the people who put it across much better above! hope your dogs hiccups have cleared up xxxx
Thank you I've just gone and been stupid and done it again because I made a mistake on here and put something I shouldn't have done because I thought it was okay to put and it wasn't, and all the thoughts about not being able to do it "enough" came back but reading this again has made me think again and realise all of what you've saids true. Thank you everyone. Wish doggy still had hiccups, could do with a smile!
Just wanted to echo what everyone else is saying
About the depth or severity of the wound not being equal to how you might feel
I know in the past I've done really shallow cuts and I was absolutly in a lot of pain and distress mentally
And again there are times I've done deeper ones and I was in a fairly good mood.
Plus don't feel weird for feeling worthless over the severity of your SI
In the past I've had this competative thing, were I've felt that my SI wasn't "good enough" or deep enough to warrant any concern
Sometimes I've felt like I wasn't a "proper" self harmer
So I understand how you can somtimes feel a little bit worthless when other people are doing really bad SI
That doesn't mean that they need more help than you, it just means that they have a higher pain threshold
You deserve help for your SI, no matter how severe it is
Even ifyour not SI'ing, you still might need help
Sometimes I think SI becomes a label that we feel comfortable with because it becomes pyhsical evidence of how bad we're feeling on the inside. But as it's been said before, your so much more than SI
and that doesn't have to be the thing that we need to establish how bad we're feeling
I'm rambling now, this made more sense in my head lol
Good for you for pushing those badthoughts away
They are definatly bad thoughts, I've had them myself , I can remember what it's like to feel tempted to SI worse. It's scary
Stay safe!
"In the driest whitest stretch of pains infinate desert, I lost my sanity, and found this rose"
"Plus don't feel weird for feeling worthless over the severity of your SI
In the past I've had this competative thing, were I've felt that my SI wasn't "good enough" or deep enough to warrant any concern
Sometimes I've felt like I wasn't a "proper" self harmer"
That's exactly how I feel as well, I feel like I need to do it worse because it's not good enough, why should people care if it's only a little bit? It's nice to know I'm not the only person who's felt like this (not that I mean I like other people feeling like this...you know what I mean though!). Thank you
I'm kind of really glad that you have posted this.
Because I've felt the same way for a while now.
But I was too afraid to say it...
So I would also like to thank everyone that replied to this topic
because I really needed to hear those things as well.
*huggles* i know how you feel and as you can tell from what everyone else has said, you're far from alone. i hope you get some help for your cutting though. no matter how deep of shallow the cuts are, you still deserve to get some help, even if it is only here.
*cuddles*
I just don't feel like I can stop, because if I do feel really, really bad again and I do tell someone, they won't believe I feel that bad, they'll just say "Well you're not harming anymore, that's okay, you must be feeling better" and will just brush over it.
*huggles and cuddles* i'm sorry sweetheart, i dont know what else to say. even if you stop SI-ing though it doesnt mean that you shouldnt get help.
please take care. i'm thinking of you.
Thank you Soph. This is going to sound absolutely awful of me, but I just know that people will take me a lot more seriously if I feel bad and I've been harming because of it than if I 'just' feel bad because I've set myself a precedent now. Stupid me really but there we go. I feel okay at the moment though, so getting ahead of myself really, I just don't want to be back *there* alone and not being taken seriously. Then again, if I'm harming when I'm not really bad then they'll just think I've been crying wolf all this time...**Shut up brain**
hi don't worry honey, your situation is basically exactly the same as mine. i don't feel as 'good' a cause for help because there are other people who i think need it more.
i feel stupid and fake for 'self harming' when im not hurt enough to even bleed properly. we had a talk from a reformed woman with anorexia who came to our school, and she said that was something she felt as well - as long as there were people thinner than her, she felt she wasn't a 'proper' anorexic.
but she got over it, and i'm getting better, and i'm sure you will as well honey. just remember no-one can tell how bad you're feeling from just the depth of your cuts, you need to help them see what you're mind is going through too.
But I'm such a horrible disgusting person. When my harming was as it's worst ("worst"), I didn't hide it, I wanted people to know, I wanted the attention from it, why else would people ever want to help me? Ever think that I was worth bothering about? I never do anything well enough to warrant good attention and I can't even do a bad thing bad enough to get negative attention.
*waits for everyone to tell me what a horrible person I am and to get thrown off RYL*
![[Purple_Rain]'s Avatar](image.php?s=0c09123efbb0e424041e54330a1dd1b9&u=153&dateline=1251793099)
I just feel like this is another thing I fail in but I know that harming in anyway isn't the right way to go about trying to feel better. Just gotta start trying to not cut at all when I do feel like I need to. Thank you again.
xxxx
