Triggering (Suicide) - encouragement please?

[_Cadence_]

I've written longer posts many times before, and I've received some lovely replies, so I'm not going to post another rant with virtually the same problems, especially since I'm doing so much better than I was for years. All the advice has been wonderful, but obviously this still is difficult. I'm getting so tired, so out of control, so desperate. It's better than it was for years, but there's still so many things. It's like trying to run a 5k after running a few marathons- it's not too much to deal with right now, but I'm so exhausted, I've been exhausted for seven years now. I need a break. I'm so sick of fighting. I just want this to be over (I'm not suicidal though.) Any encouragement would be wonderful- I just need something to get me through the night. Thanks.

[Isoverity]

Tired of what? SI?

[_Cadence_]

life, fighting to feel and live and be alive, fighting a bunch of other things that i don't have trigger warnings on here for... i'm just tired in general.

[Snow White.]

I know things are difficult for you at the moment Cadence, but keep fighting. It can be really tiring when you're faced with these issues, thoughts, urges every day -among trying to do normal day things on top off all that, it must feel like you've got alot of expectations.

It sounds like you need to take some time out for yourself and do some things that you can enjoy, I see you supporting around here and does that help, have you take time off things? Maybe play in the Arcade or do something you enjoy, get out for a while with some people or other things you enjoy, even music, or writing.

Look after yourself
*squishes*
Aimee xo

[broken_up_inside]

Oh Cadence, i had no idea you were going through such a bad time. I dont know what to say but im always here (way too much sometimes) if you ever need a chat, or just to let off some steam, im always ready to listen

*biiiiiig hugs* stay strong

[Isoverity]

I always found "fighting" created more resistance. If I "fought" smoking I wanted to smoke more and so on. Then I found a "middle way" where you don't "give in" or resist futilely. If I had some urge or some problem I could feel it pulling my mind and feelings into it. I just watched those instead of fighting it/them. If I had an urge to say smoke I just watched the urge while sitting still and without being upset. The urge would then peak on its own and I would feel not only better but warm inside and more whole for not A) giving in and B) trying to fight things with angry will that backfired. I quit smoking with no withdrawls that way. It was easy. It works on most problems. If I have an issue and dont know what to do I don't block it out or fall into worry and struggle about it. The problem often either fixes itself or a solution comes around in its own time.

Keep in mind I once woke up going blind and the above system worked under great stress so I am not speaking fluffy nonsense. You have great strength within you under all the emotional layers of illusions and broken dreams. You need to find this yourself and most docs cant get you there. Once you find a hidden positive inside yourself you can replace the negatives. People often try to root out a negative with nothing to put in its place. But life has its mysteries and if your a searching person who has a real desire to find themselves then one day a door in your mind can open up and you'll see a world of new possibilities you didn't realise was there.

A key to getting there is to take back blame because even if people hurt/disappointed you your blame of them keeps them responsible and robs you of your own spark for change. You also need to be at peace with your helplessness. Its ok to not know what to do and feel the pain of it without resenting it. Then if you have a desire to know what's right and true above any desired outcome or rationale you can discover that like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz you already had the power to return home but just didn't know how to use it. Life feels dead without the mystery of identity and meaning unfolding inside you. You can experience this sitting on the edge of your bed.

[Buttercup.]

Hey sweetie,

I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. I know what it's like to feel like giving up. It's one of the worst feelings ever. It sounds like you do need a break, but not a break from fighting, a break from feeling this way. Hopelessness is such a tiring feeling, depression exhausts you, it's all just so overwhelming.

Talking about what is bothering you or what you are struggling with can be very helpful to you. Is there anybody in real life or on here that you can confide in? Anybody you trust to tell your struggles and feelings to? RYL is always there for that. I'm always there for that. If you ever want help, encouragement, or just a listening ear, never hesitate to PM me. I'm always here for you.

You are such a strong person and I'm so proud of you for posting this. Talking about how you feel is difficult, but a very important step in feeling better. Whenever you feel like giving up think of everybody who is cheering for you to win this. All of us here want you to recover and to feel better, and you will. You will beat this. Never stop fighting, you are so much stronger than these feelings you are having. You can do this.

Jess xx

[nowhereman]

I'm sorry you're so exhausted. Could you maybe take a break from things and try to relax a bit? are you working? 7 years is a long time to be exhausted. maybe you could see a doctor about it cos it's not right. It's a lot to deal with, what you've described. Um, I don't really know what to say. I hope things work out somehow.

[_Cadence_]

thank you for all the replies- it means so much to me!