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Feeling insecure, lonely, confused and sad
My girlfriend is going to be moving to my town, something we're looking forward to after two years of a loooong-distance relationship. The phone calls we make everyday have become more and more difficult as time has gone on, and I really hope it's just because talking on the phone is getting old (and not because we're drifting apart).
I'm worried that we are, though. I'm also getting emotionally chaotic because I can't seem to express my emotions well. Either I stick them too deeply (where they start to go rotten) or I start spilling them out inappropriately. I really need the emotional connection with her, and it seems like I can't have it.
It's really frustrating. I sometimes hate being male, because along with the anatomy comes the idea that I shouldn't express weakness, tears, or insecurity. God...
I'm struggling to stop smoking. I could stop, but I keep going back and grabbing a pack of cigarillos or bumming a cigarette from someone. Everyday is incredibly stressful, I'm beginning to feel that everything in my life is a struggle, even things like walking and breathing and everything.
I can see how this is virtually spelling out depression and borderline pd, but I really don't want to be that way. I just want to be happy and have a good relationship.
I just feel worthless and insecure and I'm just not sure what to do.
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