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Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Bad times
I feel i just need to write this out.
I am sometimes in a bad way. I get severely triggered by sexual abuse images, and at times, relive the experience to the nth degree. It is usually after I feel threatened or have massive loss or fear what I am being told. Currently it is because I am telling another person about the abuse, and at times feel at a loss. It is like "I will never get over it" "Never get rid of the images" and so what is the point of continuing on.
This feeling only lasts for approximately 20 mins and then goes away. I have had possibly 4 bad incidences over the last 2 years. i have had severe triggering remembering and dealing with it. I am now going to be careful with telling people and also asking people things because of severe abandonment I feel.
I really dont believe I would physically do anything to myself at these times. I have run help lines at these times before to stop me from driving in the car. I stay away from objects etc that could hurt me. It is severe and I dont like it. At one stage, I had such a bad time, I am glad I am still here with this severe panic. I dont like it. I am feeling it is because I cannot remember the abuse, and when it starts to come at me ie the images and scenes that there is no way my mind can deal with it.
I have been to a therapist but have not really gotten to this issue but speaking to a supportive friend. My husband also knows and I have had incidences where I have been in hospital, just so they can keep an eye on me.
It has been severe for a while, because I am recalling sometimes new incidences, but I have not had a hospital stay in some years now.
I am not sure why I am typing this. Just to get it out to tell a friend perhaps. I tried counselling no so long ago and dont feel it is for me at the moment because I cannot find a supportive one and relocating shortly.
It is not taking over my life, and I am appearing to handle the bad trigger times.
Thanks
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