Urgently need help now....

[sillystring]

My therapist was supposed to practice the breathing exercises and relaxation stuff with me today but we never got to... I even brought in a tape record to record us practicing so I could listen to it on the plan in the morning, and we never got a chance to record any of that... that was my safety blanket, it was the one thing that gave me hope that I could get through the plane trip. Without it, I don't think I can get on the plane now. But I have to.

I'm really freaked out... I don't know what else to do to calm down... I'm going to try to see if the 24 hour walmart near here has some arts and crafts stuff that glows in the dark, beads or paints or whatever, cuz then I can make a bracelet or tshirt or whatever and wear at night incase I have a roommate I have to share a room with for a few nites. I may or may not. If I don't, then I can just leave a small light on, but if I do then she might want the lights all off completely. And I hate it being totally dark. I have to have a light on when I sleep. In case I wake up having nightmares/flashbacks. It reorientates me faster. I'm not even sure the glow in the dark stuff would work... it's only a thought cuz I was afraid of photography at first and being in the dark room to process the film, the little red light I was fine, but as you were opening the canister of film and had to have zero light, that freaked me out, my grandpa made me a shirt that had glow in the dark unicorns on it, and I just focused on that and I was okay.

[sillystring]

So I thought I'd be able to drive to walmart but I can't because it's too scary to go out this late at night alone right now. I'm not sure what I"m gonna do. I talked to my therapist on the phone and she made me feel worse. She said I'd just have to practice the breathing exercises we've discussed and I said I wanted to but I need her help, and that's why we were supposed to be able to tape record us doing that tonight, it would have been her voice wihich is familiar and somewhat safe and it could have been a recording walking me through all of it especially the visualization stuff.

Cuz I try it on my own... and I don't think I do it right, and I have so many questions about it, but she doesn't seem to want to offer much help or answer the questions about it, she's a great therapist she really is so I'm hoping there's a reason she's like that, maybe the reason tho has to do with me and how stupid I am.

I can't do this. I can't get on that plane. I want so badly to go on this trip to South Carolina, but I can't get on that plane.

[Caru y Nos]

Just thought i'd post to say that i read you're thread... afraid no suggestions and it'd be too late anyway.... but i thought i'd just remind you that people do want to help!

Take Care,
Keep Safe,
Domicile of Madness

[Queer Fringe]

Sorry to hear this... I really dont know what to suggest...sooo sorry
Take Care and I hope it works out...xx