Triggering (Suicide) - it's too hard *Graphic*

[airwolf282]

my lease expires this month and the landlord has the house up for sale

i won't get another place coz i can't afford the bond and i'm not working. i'm on a disability pension but it doesn't pay enough to allow me to save for a bond. we just get by paying the rent and all the bills but have nothing left over. my loan insurance pays for my debts until i can work again.

it gives me some comfort to know that i won't have to be homeless. you see the freezing nights would kill anyone who doesn't have shelter. i think it would be easier to cut my wrists and bleed out rather than freeze to death, quicker and less painful.

i don't have anyone around. no friends that care. it's just me and my partner who resents me for being unable to be employed. i try and try to get work even though the doctors advised against it but i just keep getting rejected. i told her you should have fucking married someone that isn't a useless son of a bitch, then you wouldn't have to constantly put him down. she just keeps yelling at me all the time. i can't stand it. i'm not eating much and i'm thinking of taking every pill in my cupboard and escaping this fucking pointless life.

i fucking hate myself and i hate my life. i just can't stand being here anymore. i can't go to hospital because of a doctor there that i would kill if i saw him. he is a smart arse cunt and i would literally break his smug face. he did nothing but put me down last time i tried to go in and was the reason i stormed out and had to walk 4km home. i couldn't go there because i desperately want to hurt that son of a whore. what the fuck am i supposed to do if i can't go to a god damned hospital.

[Puppet Strings]

Hey,
I don't really have much support to give, to be honest, but try to take things a step at a time.
Have you got any family, or friends, that you can find support in? Whethet that be help regarding housing, money, or emotional support, is there not someone else around you?
How about writing a letter to your partner? I'm sure they care, but it sounds as if what you're going through, the situation there in, among other things, is all putting a big strain on your relationship. I'm sure they care about you really, but it's sometimes hard to stay rational in arguments.
Life can be difficult, but it's not worth ending it. You can work through this, and things can get better. It would be a shame to throw everything away, forever, because of a few nasty hurdles. Okay, so they're difficult and I understand that, but there is always even a small speck of hope and help somewhere.
Is there another doctor you can see, another hospital? Are you sure that doctor still works there? If you do need the help of a hospital, then try not to let one doctor stop you. There are more doctors out there.
Take care, x