Triggering (SI/ED) - GRRG. *also mentions numbers*

[XxXflowerfairyXxX]

I don't deserve to live.
I especially don't deserve a love life.
I finally settle down into a nice normal relationship with a really loving nice guy...
And I don't want it.
Well, I do.
But I just don't feel comfortable with it.
I keep thinking about another guy.
I'm a horrible person.
It's not even one of the guys I was into before (well I sort of was..but he wasn't part of my whole mess).
I can't belive I can do this to people.
I mess them around so much.
I really can't help it...everytime I get a text I'm hoping it's from Jack, I spend my time thinking about him.
I talk about him all the time...I'm counting down the days until he comes home from school.
This is insane.
I just shouldn't be allowed near guys.
I'm quite clearly not to be trusted with them.


I haven't cut in over a week and it's getting too much.
It's so frustrating.
I need to cut.
But people will get upset and angry.
I'm such a let down.
I just hurt people.

My eating is getting worse.
But I still haven't lost any weight.
Today I've eaten nearly a whole pack of super noodles (170cals) most of a digestive (70 cals) and two glasses of low cal squash (10 cals each).
It still feels too much.
It feels so wrong.
I'm craving.
But I just can't give in.
I don't know why I can't lose anymore weight.
In the last 9 months I've lost a stone.
But I haven't lost any weight in 2 months.
7st 12lbs is too much.

I hate me.

[behindblueyes]

*hugs*

You ARE worth living and ARE woth a love life.. it is OKAY to be a little confused. You just seem so stressed about oher things in your life right now, that maybe when they settle down things will become less confusing.

But if you dont want to be in the relationship hunny, get out sooner then later to help avoid some pain, you know? For both you and this other guy.

One week without cutting is a great accomplishment and it is something that you should be very proud of. You are not a let down, slip ups do happen and they are a part of the recovery process.

You weight is probably at a normal bmi but it is on the brink of becoming too low, so please please be careful. You dont want health problems to add to the other stresses in your life. You are probably not losing weight because your body is telling you that it really cant afford to lose anymore without it becoming unhealthy. But I do want t say good job for eating what you have today =)

Take Care Sweetie and Stay Strong
x Kate

[Bleeding Angel]

You are woth it, and you are worth living, dont ever think that you arnt worth it.

Like kate said, if you feel you like the relationship wont work, then its better to get out now than be more hurt in the long run. Love can be a confusing thing, but in your heart you know whats right.

Its ok if you feel you need to cut, slip ups happen and its a natural part of recovery. One week is great to go without, so try to keep yourself distracted and dont feel too bad if you have to cut.

Your eating is concerning me, starving yourself is and eatting very little doesnt help lose weight sometimes hun, your metabolism slows down and your stomach holds on to every bit of food you can get.

Do you feel you have an eating disorder? do you talk to anyone about how you feel?

[_Cadence_]

You do deserve to live! I don't have anything to add really- behindblueeyes and Bleeding Angel gave good advice, but I just wanted to let you know I care. You will get through this!

take care

[Buttercup.]

Sweetheart,

You do deserve to live. Know what you don't deserve? You don't deserve to feel as crappy as you feel. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to love yourself and enjoy life.

You are not a let down. You have been one week without cutting! That is great and you should be proud.

As for your eating, I'm sure you are thin and don't need to lose weight. It's probably even bad if you do end up losing weight. Especially the way you are attempting it. Restricting and calorie counting is such a dangerous thing to get into, please try to refrain from doing that. Try to not focus on the numbers, focus on eating a healthy diet and living a healthy lifestyle.

Hun, you deserve so much better than this. Please don't give up on yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are a beautiful girl inside and out and I can't wait until the day you can see this for yourself.

Take care,

Jess xx

[nowhereman]

Of course you are worth living and you deserve to be happy. I'd be so sad if you weren't around here anymore. You can't help it if you like someone else. I was the same last time I was with someone and I felt awful for it too.
Well done on not cutting for a week. Please try to eat a little bit more if you can, that's really not enough. I'm sure you know that and I know it's hard and you think that's too much but I don't want to see anything happen to you. You don't need to lose any weight at all, honestly. Please look after yourself.