Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Question for females that have been sexually abused
Is it me or does anyone here really hate wearing skirts or dresses? (Obviously if you are still in school then you may have no choice)
I found out today that at this wedding I am going to that I have to wear a dress or a skirt. I am really dreading this because it triggered a flashback of mine.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Involves a description of what went on and my insecurities.
I hate it because he (my abuser) started out by just touching "down there". It was made easier for him because at the time the stupid school had a dress code that females had to wear skirts throughout the entire year - if it was -3°C outside. He got sick twisted pleasure from making me orgasm and because of that, I have avoided wearing any dresses/skirts since. It just reminds me of how easily he got there.
Because of the fact people will get drunk and I dont know half the people that will be there I am scared that some drunk idiot will try to rape me/assault me. At least if I am wearing trousers it will make things harder.
So does anyone else feel the same or it is me?
Sorry for any blokes reading this - but you dont wear dresses/skirts.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
I've not really worn skirts/dresses since I was sexually abused, but them I act more like a man lol. I think it is related to the whole thing because the way I see it, I was a girl so it happened, if I'm more like a guy it won't. Doesn't make sense out loud, but it makes perfect sense in my head.
btw hun , are you still having the nightmares every night ? and did the counclelor help at all..
Yes I am still having the nightmares, but they are getting no better or any worse, which is something I guess.
The counsellor kinda helped, I got out some insecurities that have been bugging me for ages (and what some of the nightmares were about). She did say that for some people that the counselling does bring out nightmares.
Thanks for your reply - at least I am not alone. I just hope that I dont find a suitable dress in time (I am plus sized) and have no other choice but to wear a (very nice) trousers. I dont care if I am the only female without a dress, just as long as I dont have to wear one - at the moment my mother is trying to pressurise me into wearing one.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
does your mam know bout the abuse ?
if she does explain to her why you dont wanna wear one
if you cant explain to her just tel her its your decision and its what makes u feel more comfortable not her
dont let her pressurise you into something that could affect ya quite badly
Mainly because my mum emotionally abuses me, and I havent got a good relationship with her. It is something I could never tell my parents.
Secondly, some of the abuse happened in the house she (and my dad) live in, and I cant do that to them. After all they have to live in the house, and at least I can get get away from there.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
You're not alone at all, love. I usually wear jeans or baggy trousers. I feel a lot more safer in them, so by no means are you alone in feeling like this. Take care, hun
I've never been abused but I had an idea that might make you more comfortable. Why don't you wear a small pair of same colored shorts under a long dress? You'd be wearing the dress but still feel protected undernearth. Think it might work?
I'm a woman who was sexually abused, and I think it's at least partly because of that that I prefer not to wear skirts or dresses. I feel more vulnerable in them, like it's easier for someone to get to me. And I feel more feminine in a way that doesn't feel good, like I'm putting myself out there to be looked at in a sexualized way. So you're not alone at all. And also, I think it's totally acceptable to insist that you're more comfortable in pants. Lots of women prefer that for many different reasons, and there's no reason you can't look just as nice or dressy in pants. Good luck with your mum.
One remedy to this that I can think of is Gaucho pants. Idk if you have them wherever you are, but they were trendy in my area (Midwestern US) last year. They look almost exactly like a skirt, but feel like, and are, longer shorts.
Hopefully because I am big that I wont find a decent dress in my size and have no choice.
It's only this wedding which is causing the trouble - the celebration etc is being held in some posh stately home in Buckinghamshire (I forget the name but it has been used in a lot of films). The men have to go in bow ties and dinner suits and the ladies dresses.
Mad-Mad-World, I am in the UK and I dont think we have them here. Or at least I have never heard of them.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
I never wear skirts or dresses - but I work in a place where we have to wear formal clothes a lot - all of my outfits are trousers - you can get some floaty trousers where the top layer is open so it floats when you walk but the bottom layer is completley like trousers - very comfy and safe feeling you can then ut any nice top with them - I always feel OK in them. I will do a search on the web for them and if I can find some I will let you know.
Loneliness with or without people, a feeling that comes from inside
Unable to show your true feelings, Unaware of the things that you hide
A life built around a pretending, feeling things that you think you should feel
A life unaware of it’s ending – is there a chance it could ever turn real?
My Lovely Daughters: Reason[TO]Believe, Bound by Thoughts, and Kija. My Little Sisters: Automatik Teknicolour and Pomegranate. My Big Sister: Lil-Princess. My Neice: forever_lost*
Hi again - try this site they have a selection - mine are like the black ones and they look really smart on - differing prices - even if these are no good it will give you an idea of what I meant. Hope it's some help.
Loneliness with or without people, a feeling that comes from inside
Unable to show your true feelings, Unaware of the things that you hide
A life built around a pretending, feeling things that you think you should feel
A life unaware of it’s ending – is there a chance it could ever turn real?
My Lovely Daughters: Reason[TO]Believe, Bound by Thoughts, and Kija. My Little Sisters: Automatik Teknicolour and Pomegranate. My Big Sister: Lil-Princess. My Neice: forever_lost*
Thanks katch, but I didnt find anything in my size.
Anyway my mum has finally got around the idea I wont be buying a skirt. She found a suitable pair of trousers in my wardrobe, but I have to buy a new handbag, shoes and blouse. That I can live with (though I doubt that I will ever use the handbag again, and it will end up at the charity shop).
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
Well I went shopping today, spent 3 1/2 hours in one shop, trying on tons of stuff. Got a light pink top and a pair of trousers anyway.
My mum made me try on 2 skirts (thankfully we didn't buy any), which was a nightmare, we tried not to argue about it, but still. Ended up having a massive flashback in the middle of the changing room, not at all nice. I am still suffering from it now :(
At the end of the day my stupid mother didnt listen to me she said "well we will find a nice skirt for you another day", and we went afterwards to a bar in a hotel where some people were having a wedding reception. Everyone was in dresses and the men were in bowties. My mother ended up saying how nice everyone looked (mind you they were all size 10's) and how I should wear a skirt/dress.
I am beginning to think that my life is not worth it. I am always going to be that stupid fat person that is always going to have the trauma of the sexual abuse with her.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
Don't think like that sweetie! *hugs tight* The abuse will fade over time, it won't affect you forever. I'm still suffering from my abuse, but we just gotta hope that eventually it will fade - I've spoken to people who are no longer affected by the abuse they suffered, so there is hope!
Whether you wear a skirt or trousers, it doesn't really matter, to be honest everyone will be looking at the bride and groom anyway. I've worn trousers to a wedding and nobody cared. Just tell your mum that you're going to wear them and to hell with her!
I hope things go okay sweetie. Good luck!
Love
Katie
xxxx
Ask me mistakes I have made
Ask me whether what I have done is my life
Others have come, in their slow way -
And some have come to help, or to hurt -
Ask me what difference
Their strongest love or hate has made.
I hope you are able to wear your trousers. I have worn trousers for weddings as I dont wear skirts and noticed many women wear trouser suits etc.. now. hope it goes okxxxx
Differences...are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open. GOF
Albus Dumbledore
Does it have to be a short dress/skirt? I've got to wear a skirt type thing to my cousin's wedding this summer and can't bare the thought, but what I'm going to do is, because it's long enough, I'm going to wear a pair of leggings underneath that nobody will see. Do you think maybe that could be possible for you?
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
Does it have to be a short dress/skirt? I've got to wear a skirt type thing to my cousin's wedding this summer and can't bare the thought, but what I'm going to do is, because it's long enough, I'm going to wear a pair of leggings underneath that nobody will see. Do you think maybe that could be possible for you?
Well I spoke to the counsellor and she suggested that, but still. I would rather feel safer with trousers.
So far to date, she hasnt come with a skirt. We did go shopping (not specifically for clothes, but we went in a clothes store) and she did point out two skirts for me. She did try to get me to buy some, but I firmly said that I would never wear any skirt and I didnt care if I was the only one.
But I ended up buying a tshirt, cardi, a necklace and a bracelet. My mum found a handbag that was the right colour in her wardrobe, so no worries on that score.
But anyway, I only now have to find some silver nail varnish and then I can forget about the wedding (until it comes that is).
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
