Triggering (Suicide/Sexual Abuse) - wish i could lose my sense of smell....

[fakesmiler]

i dont really know what to say, its half 4 am and as usual im wide awake. completely shattered but cant sleep, Things is one part of my life are going so well. I have a new girlfriend who adores me, completely i dont know why im a discusting mess, shes not a harmer and doesnt get it, so gets upset when i do it, she has been stayin with me for the past week, and now she has gone i want to cut so badly
The bad thing is as much as i adore her and want to be with her so badly, she smokes. May sound small but, he smoked, and thats the only thing i could smell whilst he did it, smoke mixed with sweat, makes me think of him and what he did and how i just let him. Now im massively triggered, ive tried to explain this 2 her but i just feel so stupid. I want her 2 hug me i want her 2 be with me so why everytime she touches me I flinch.... im so stupid.... I just dont know what to do, i should be happy but im flashbacking so much I just want to die.

[Stellata]

It's not stupid. It's a perfectly natural response, given what you've been through. You say you've tried to explain to her - how did this go?

[fakesmiler]

she was so lovely about it, shes trying really hard 2 cut dwn as much as possible but i just feel like im trying to change her and i have no right to do that, and the thing with smoke it gets in to everything, her cloths smell her hair everything, so even tho shes tryin so hard by not smokin around me and tryin 2 cut dwn im still triggered

[green.eyes]

*hugs* sorry its triggering you so much. not sure what to suggest if she's already cutting down. air freshner/body spray?
try to resist the urge to cut and stay safe
xxx

[Relentlessrockstar1986]

You may feel like you're changing her but sweetie, this girl sounds like a keeper if she's willing to do this for you. <3 I'm a smoker, and I know how hard an impact I can make on people, but usually just the small things work.
I dye my hair a lot, and so it doesn't smell of smoke.
I use fabric conditioner and then leave my clothes outside to dry -- doesn't totally get rid of the smell but helps.
And I air out my room most hours of the day.
<3 See if any of that helps, I know it may seem like you're asking a lot of her but she does sound like she really cares about you.

Stay safe sweetie.

[l'il esky]

it and you are not stupid, its only natural that this would freak you out.

does you gf know all the details cos even a sh-er should understand your bad relationship/tolerance to smokin, maybe try chatting to her again when you both have a long time to just sit and talk (but dont feel what you saying is stupid!)

take care xx

[fakesmiler]

thank u alll 4 what u have said, means alot that i have people here 2 fall back on x x x x x