Triggering (SI) - whats the point

[kady]

I am so stressed with uni my exams are next week, me and my boyfriend broke up 2 weeks ago,funnily enough 3 weeks after i told him i was on antidepressants. SAAAKE why am i such a moan!! So almost just walked on front of a bus today...would make things easier,i just dont know what to do. Cant stop crying and i just feel like giving up on everything. Iv had depression for a long time, but never has it been this bad,its like i dont think there would be much difference if i wasnt around. One day im okayish but then the next im in tears i just dont know,i cant do this.

Sorry this is probably the most boring thing for someone to read, i wouldnt blame ppl if they didnt write back anything to be honest. i

"i feel like i would like to be somewhere else doing something that matters"

"whats the purpose, feels worthless" these two lyrics pretty much sum it up

kady x

[Gnomeboy]

Keep hanging in there... you can get through this.

[Cathy]

hey kady

I know where you're coming from. Depression is such a hard thing to cope with. It can creep up behind you when you're not looking, as well as being there seemingly constantly. It's like a heavy weight on your shoulders.

Are you seeing anybody professional?
Maybe that would help you to cope more with life in general. God knows how stressful exams can be! They're awful but remember you're doing them for you. You are a very very worthy person. Nobody deserves to feel depressed.
Things will get better eventually. You have to have faith and keep remembering that happiness is just around the corner.
I'm sure in all the time you've suffered with depression that you can recall moments of cheerfulness and happiness. Am I wrong?

There's so much you can do to help depression. Exercise is great as it releases feel good chemicals like endorphins. Being out in the sunlight (a bit hard if you live in england, i know!) is fantastic.
Make sure you're with people that cheer you up. You may feel like you want to be alone all of the time and hide from the world but just force yourself to socialise and that can distract you and put things in perspective sometimes.

I don't want to ramble (too late haha) but even though I haven't spoken to you before.. I'm always available if you want to talk and RYL is alwyas here to offer you support. It takes strength to reach out for help - the fact you've posted is a good sign.

Please take care x

[green.eyes]

can't add much to what cathy wrote excpet huggles and more reassurance that even severe bouts of depression don't last for ever.
i bet there would be people that would miss you terribly if you weren't around. break ups can be really tough but again, it wont alays hurt tis much. as for uni- i'm in a similar position with exams and i know it can do your head it but try to put it in perspective- you can only do your best- considering how tough a time you're having- some days that might mean doing nothing- other days doing more. take it one day at a time. try to stay calm (check out the breathing exercises in fun and distractions forum) and most importantly, have some fun!
sory thigns are so tough right now, hangin there and they'll improve.
*hugs*

[kady]

Thanks for replying didnt think anyone would. Im not seeing anyone..only the doctor to get more meds. I was before i went to uni but then i moved away and well didnt have my counsellor anymore. I guess i just feel like my whole life has been episodes of feeling like this. I always lose a lot of weight when i feel like this too, sometime because im not hungry but others just cause i dont want to eat. Also i keep having i dont even know if they are dreams of what but just kinda like not sure if im sleeping or going mad?! that probably doesnt make much sense!

Its just hard losing boyfriend and practically my best friend here when im goin through a bad episode anyway.Loving someone who doesnt love you back is hard, wish i could hate him..i get angry but deep down inside im not. i dunno!

xxxx

[Detour. Derail]

I'm so sorry....I wish I had something for you...if you ever need to talk...feel free to PM me...
please keep fighting it....
*HUGS*
Take Care
Alexx
xxxxx

[Cathy]

*hugs* I really feel for you.

You need to bear in mind that whilst meds do make you feel better.. they're not tackling the issues that are making you feel like this.
You need to be able to talk out your problems.. you need therapy of some sort .. especially when you feel out of control. It's very important to have someone to turn to in your 'darkest hour.'
I strongly advise you to ask your GP to refer you to a psychologist. It can really help! You're gonna have to come off the meds sometimes.. please don't become reliant on them.

Even if you don't feel like eating.. at least keep your fluids up and try to have things that don't take too much effort to eat, like yoghurts, smoothies, soft fruit, etc.. they're good for your digestive system too.
When you don't eat enough, it really effects your mood and makes you feel even worse, so please, I urge you to get something into your system to keep you functioning physically, at least.

Losing people is such a hard thing to go through. It hurts like hell and can make you lose trust in people. Remember your pain will gradually fade, and you can rebuild trust and relationships with people who won't let you down. Take your time to 'grieve' for these relationships - it's very natural to feel awful. *hugs*

Take care! xx