Triggering (SI) - I may lose the use of my arms if I keep cutting.

[fragile as glass]

I have been s/harming for 11 years now. It started with scratches to very deep cuts with a razor. I am now at the stage where I have had 244 stitches after one s/harm session, blood transfusions and plastic surgery because of the severity of my wounds.

I am having problems with holding and carrying things now because I have cut my arms/wrists so much that I have damaged the nerves and tendons and I have been told that if I carry on cutting I may lose the use of my hands.

My problem is that even after such serious news, I am not compelled to stop cutting. It has scared me but not enough for me to reduce the severity of my cuts let alone stopping altogether.

I get accused of being flippant and dismissive of the severity of my self harm (which I guess I am) and I am scared at what it will take for me to stop cutting or at least start doing damage limitaion when I cut. :(

I feel scared and alone

[DarkElvenPrincess]

You have to want to stop, and it doesn't sound like you do at all. Do you know why you cut so badly? Why you started, or when it got so bad?

Are you seeing anybody about it, like a therapist? You don't need a reason to stop, you need to resolve whatever makes you cut, hopefully then you won't need to anymore.

[fragile as glass]

I wish that I had never started self harming and that I didnt do it now, however I have to admit to not wanting to stop s/harming now im doing it.

I have been put on a drug by my psychiatrist for my self harm called Naltrexone which is used in the UK for heroin addicts. In America it is also licenced for s/harmers. (my shrink does alot of research in america) I have been diagnosed as chemically addicted to self harm (the endorphins it releases - my form of a 'hit'). This drug has helped me alot and I also see a therapist. I dont say that I will never stop cutting - my therapist says that if you say that you never give yourself the option to change, but I do feel that it will always be with me but because of my therapist I stay open to the idea of saying goodbye to it.

I do not in any way endorse or encourage self harm - indeed it has ruined my life but I cant find resolve or reason to stop but there must be something in me that wants to move on or I wouldnt be a member of RYL
Ive been diagnosed with depression, bi-polar, anorexia as well and I only have one friend - im not good at mixing with others. I feel alone.

[Buttons.]

Have you are your therapist considered a brief period of hospitalisation where you can recieve more intenseive help? With severe self harmers this can really be the stepping stone to recovery and is worth looking into while you are feeling so out of control with your addiction to self harm.
Take care,
Katy
xxx

[fragile as glass]

I was put in hospital at the age of 15 due to anorexia and I was in various units for the next eight years. I didnt get discharged till I was 23. I was in a childrens ward, an adult general ward, 4 eating disorders units, 1 self harm unit, 2 psychiatric hospitals and a 'therapeutic community' - a mental health nursing home. If hospital was to work it would have done so by now. This is why I am scared because theres little I havent tried.

[Buttons.]

Fair enough. What about techniques that help you control your thoughts-such as CBT or DBT-DBT particularly tends to help with self harm, but you have to be really on board with treatment and getting better.
take care
Katy
xxx

[fragile as glass]

I never really got on with CBT. I have found the 5 minute technique helpful before - put off cutting for five minutes, then if I still need to cut put it off for another five and so on. Sometimes I can go 15 minutes sometimes a day or two, it just depends on the strength of those feelings and what I have available to distract myself with.

I know that I need to socialise more and make new friends because I only have one friend and hes male which is different to having a girlfriend but I find it hard to know where to look because im a bit of a recluse and shy