Triggering (SI) - the temptation is too much!

[xSoFtBaLlgirly5x]

I dont want to sleep
I dont want to dream
I dont want to live.
I dont want to breatthe.
I DONT WANT TO CUT!!
My life is such a mess. I cut in school today and I always told myself I would never do that but my urges were just sooo bad!
I just want to start seeing my therapist before things get way out of hand. On top of SH I smoke everyday to try and forget the pain and feelings. They are just too much to bare and I have no one to turn to.
I am afraid to say something about my problems to anybody because I have before and they just told on me and from there on I dont trust many.
I want to get better but I dont think I have the will or the strength to get through this. I cant even last a day without cutting and its all I ever think about!! PLease help me =[

<3 Ashley

[All I'm Living For]

hi honey *hugs* i'm so sorry your going through such a hard time atm. you're not alone though.
since self harm can become an addiction, it is really tempting and it is hard to stop. its important to know that you can though. it will take time and a lot of strength but you can make it.
do you have a psyc or counsellor you can talk to? have a good support system makes it easier to stop, takes a bit of the pressure off yourself and helps to get to the reasons behind why you're SI'ing because SI is a method of coping.
you mentioned your therapist. it there any way you can see her earlier than what you are? sometimes you can make emergancy appointments its urgent.
does your school have a counsellor you can talk to? if you dont want to be told on though it would be best to know about the level of confidentiality. for example, my school is obligated to tell your parents if you mention that you've self harmed or are suicidal or anything that involves harming yourself in any way.
in the meantime though have you looked at the distractions list? http://www.recoveryourlife.com/index.php?categoryid=13
it might help to take your mind of how you're feeling for a little bit.
it might also help to have look at the self harm section here http://www.recoveryourlife.com/index.php?categoryid=46

feel free to pm me if you'd like to talk *hugs*

soph.

[Cazki]

Heya there *Cuddles you* Im sorry that your having such a difficult time right now. Its important that you realise that you can get through this. We are all here for you so you dont have to go through this alone. As Sophie (all im living for) has mentioned distractions are a good way to keep the urges away. Self harm in its self is extremly addictive which is why its so hard to stop. Can yo utalk to us about what it is thats making you want to harm yourself? I hope things get better for you soon.

Take care best wishes Ian xxxxxxxx