So recently i've noticed that my mum doesn't seem overly happy. There's small things that i've been noticing for a few months, but today things seem to have come to a head and she actually admitted to me that she feels like crap.
She was diagnosed with anorexia about 8 years ago and she did recover, but now I'm scared that she might be slipping back into it. She keeps making comments about her weight, how fat she feels ect, she's not eating much and she seems to be obsessively exercising (going on 2 hour long runs, going to the gym ect. everyday).
My dad and her have been having more arguments recently, i'm not really sure what they're about though as I'm trying to stay clear of them.
I guess what i'm asking adivce on is what should I do? I mean, i know this sounds selfish but i've got my own problems to worry about just now, and I don't know if I can help my mum too, and my dad hasn't noticed anything and he isn't the kind of person who would do much to help anyway. So um yeah, any ideas of things I could do to maybe help her?
Thanks for the replies.
I'm trying my hardest to help her by giving her a hug and offering to talk ect. but it's difficult.
Knowing that she's feeling so low is tearing me apart because I know there is nothing I can do to help.
She came to pick me up from college today and I could just tell that she wasn't ok, but I couldn't do anything, and now she's gone out.
I just don't know what I can do.
I know you want to help your mum, thats natural but take care of you as well hun. Could you try and talk her into going to speak to a doctor or someone? Poke me if you need a chat.
It's difficult when someone close to you is feeling really low when you don't feel like you can help, but just showing that you love her and that you care is enough. Making sure she's ok and wanting to help is natural but its also important to take care of yourself and make sure you're ok, because that will make it easier to support your mum. I've been in a similar situation and its really difficult, but being there will help, and things will get better :)
<3
"That is why, for Christ's sake,
I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,
in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong"
(2 Corinthians 12:13)
It's difficult to deal with someone you've relied on being in an unhappy place.
All you can do is be there for her and convince her to get help; show her how much you love her as often as possible.
My dad suffers from some form of depression (no idea what exactly because he won't go to the bloody doctors...but it's certainly depression) and it can get quite severe sometimes...It's tough on the whole family but you just have to work through it together x
Last edited by XxXflowerfairyXxX : 30-04-2008 at 11:47 PM.
Reason: Grammatical clarity and spelling.
I can try and speak to her about going to see a doctor but I doubt she'd actually go. She's stubborn (like me) and would only go if it was really really needed. But i'll give it a go and see what happens.
I'm trying my best to support her just now, but it's difficult cause i've got my own stuff to deal with and i've got exams soon which i need to revise for so i don't have much time.
I guess i'm also finding it hard to deal with that she's feeling rubbish cause it reminds me so much of when she was ill. And I honestly don't know how i'd cope if we had to go through all that again.
But thanks for all the replies so far, i really appreciate it :)
xx
I know how hard it can be when a parent is suffering with depression. You can go through a lot of painful emotions, like having to watch while someone does something thats harmful to them whether its anorexia or alcoholism or just refusing to get help for depression. And then betrayal and disappointment at realising that your parents who are supposed to protect you are just as human and flawed as everyone else. It can be a long painful process on all sides to help someone with a mental illness. It takes a lot of patience and belief and relentless perseverance to be able to be there for them. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't been able to support my own parents through their depression and alcoholism and whatnot because I didn't know what to do and found it too painful being constantly pushed away. Yet with this experience and hindsight I hope to give you some helpful advice.
Firstly. I know it sounds selfish but make sure you look after yourself as it is difficult to care for someone else if you are worrying yourself sick constantly and going through your own problems. Take time out for yourself.
Secondly. Little thoughtful gestures can make all the difference. Just doing little things like keeping the house tidy for your mum and getting her little treats and flowers and things show her that she is valued and loved and that will gradually help to improve her self esteem.
Thirdly. Let her know that it is her responsibility to take control of the situation and get help. When someone is depressed they may feel awful but also feel like there is no way to get better. Show her that by going to the doctor for a start, there is the option to get better. But also show her that you and your family are there to support her all the way in whatever way she needs so it is less daunting and more attainable.
And most importantly. Try to make sure that you communicate as a family. Talking about family problems is really painful but its important to maintain a dialogue about how things are as it can help to bring you all together as a family and thus tackle the issues head on and more productively. Solving problems is easier if you talk about them.
You may also find that your mum and dad arguing is because they are finding it hard to communicate about the real issue which is your mum being depressed. I know when I'm depressed my parents would be angry and aggressive at me because they were frustrated but also hurt and that was how they expressed it. And in return I would be aggressive to push people away. So talk to your dad about how he feels. He is probably going through the same emotions as you right now. Again. Problems seem a lot less daunting if you approach them as a team.
I hope my advice has made sense. Sorry if it doesn't. Its really late and I'm pretty sleep deprived as it is! But feel free to PM me if you ever need.
Take care
x x x
What doesn't kill you can only **** you up for a really really long time...
