My life since my "death"

[JDenning]

Well I decided I would go ahead and put this up, I'm new here and well I think people should know why I'm here.

Lets see the problems start.ed for me about 2 years ago when my girlfriend broke up with me, as I've said, I've never found myself attractive, so this girl I was head over heels for, well I just had one problem and that was it seemed like she was cheating on me cause she spent more time around another guy than with me, and seemed happier with him than with me sometimes. I brought up the subject and I had had times when I felt like putting a gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger, or ODing, or even stabbing myself with one of my hookswords, and I felt it important to let her know how I was feeling, I told her this over the phone, I knew something was wrong when we were going to hang up, I told her I loved her and she didn't say it back. The next day she handed me a note saying that she thought we needed to break up, and I begged and pleaded for her to please reconsider, in vain of course. After that I slowly went almost insane to the point I was almost sent to an insane asylum because of how bad it got.
Well anyways I decided as a vendictive thing to do I would take my own life on her birthday, sort of a "happy ****ing birthday bitch" thing. I neglected to say that me and the girl were friends before, and after we broke up she wouldn't even talk to me, so I lost a friend and my only girlfriend (still to date). I waited till the next year and attempted as planned, I took some pills and chased it with whatever alcohol I could find.
I woke up the next day and kept throwing up, I couldn't lay down I couldn't stand or sit up without getting sick, so the whole day I had to think about what I had done and wondered why I wanted to do this.
The day after that I woke up and for some reason I felt great, it faded fast, but I felt as though I was invincible for about a week or so.
I've had a few relapses, but I've found that working out almost every day has helped out a lot, but I am a little depressed still because I am still alone even though I've done everything I can to make myself better. I've got this ability to make any girl fall for me do to my personality, but they look at my physical appearance and it completely repels them. I've survived my ordeal, but I made a promise to myself to help others if possible. So I'm here, I have a few relapses when I see too many couples and realise how alone I am, thats the only thing that makes me depressed now, but I try to get more out there and try to actually get girls to like me, its kinda impossible from my perspective though.

[Buttons.]

Hey there,
Sounds like things have been really tough for you but that you've come out on top, which is great. I hope you can hold onto that mentality, and remember you don't always have to be giving back, you are allowed to ask for support to. Recovery is a long, hard process, and we're all in it together, so lean on us.
Katy
xxx

[JDenning]

Well I'm just missing one thing though in my life, I might end up like my aunt who said she had to go all the way to england to find her true love, call me a hopeless romantic if you will, but thats really all I need or want right now, so I'm putting myself out there hoping something will happen for me.

[irkeninvader]

I'm sure something will happen for you. These things come when you least expect it. Try not to worry too much about finding someone, just try to enjoy life for the moment. I know it's hard and it can feel so lonely when you see all the other couples (I've been there, I know it can feel like you'll never have anyone). But things will work out. You sound like you're dealing with things better than you were and I'm sure everything else will fall into place. Just try not to worry too much about it (easier said than done, I know)

[JDenning]

yeah, I move day to day, just try to get done what I can and try not to let it get the best of me when I feel down, I usually can transform anything into frustration and turn that into fuel for me to go outside and practice my fighting techniques (I'm working on my own fighting style)