Triggering (SI/Suicide) - before christmas

[beautiful_mistake]

i wasnt in a good place in my head
i didnt think i would still be here after new year
anyhoo
October '07 im drinking and making myself sick mum is abount going into hospital to have her hip replacement operation [3 days after my birthday that is 9th November btw]
im not sleeping and im late for work
im called up for a review meeting im told not to take sleeping tablets at 2 in the morning [wtf am i surposed to do have no sleep at all] go back to my doctor and get him to give me some different tablets or sort it out as it were.
i dont think they have any idea that at that point if my sister in law wasnt pregnant i would have taken the whole packet of sleeping tablet all my anti depressants and i probably would have thrown in some paracetamol just to make sure that i would have had a good nights sleep.
In the review meeting I broke down in tears after the meeting is over the union rep calls me into the office next door and tells me to snap out of it.
I have a manager who I thought I could talk to because he said he has suffered from depression so I talk to him about this twice and he has told me maybe I took it the wrong way maybe the union rep didnt mean it like I thought she ment it [heartless, souless human no idea how to talk to others with depression doesnt understand that depression is a disease and there isnt always a way to snap out of it]
i feel like everytime I think im ok with it ive accepted the fact that im sick im back there where i was in the begining.

[Yellow]

im sorry hunni.
im short on words but i can offer *snuggles*
loves.
xxxx

[blondiebear]

I hate people who think depression is something you can take care of by trying to be happy. I try to explain that it is a problem with the chemicals in the brain and how they affect the nerves and the way the nerves talk to each other. There are other things involved in our lives. But simply clinical depression is a problem with chemicals in the brain. And these people are just telling you to snap out of it?

I have a big box of empty prescription bottles that I need to soak and scrape labels off of before they go out to the trash. Yes I am that paranoid. Maybe after they're scraped off I should send them to you so so you can drop them on the heads of these ijits!

[chocostashchick]

cvrap i cant read anbgymore but hugs and ianm sorry and i will reply properrly later be fase

[effervescence]

I think Callie means be safe :p. I agree. Some people just have no idea.

[Slip]

I agree, I don't think you can ever really understand something that you have not experienced yourself & even then everyones experiences are different. But you should always be aware of the feeling of others, so the rep should have thought before speaking.

I'm sorry the reps words hurt you & I really hope you it gets better for you soon.

Be safe xxx