Triggering (SI) - scared

[l'il esky]

hey,

didnt know how to label this so thought i'd cover the basis with trig si. anyway back to the point:

ive gotta go home tomorrow for dinner-sounds fine-huh?
not only do i hate spending anytime with my mum cos she makes me feel like absolute sh!te
but im so scared they'l see my scars, my wrist is horrific and just feel really anxious and horrible. i dont wanna go but cant not go.
and another thing i havent eaten a proper meal in zonks and im sure it'll do me good but how am i gonna eat a huge meal? and if i cant how doi deal with the questions

i just wanna curl up in a ball and hibernate for like eternity. am so fed up on feeling crappy all the friggin time!!

[hammy]

hi
sending sympathies, I know how you feel in a way about food, I always find it hard to finish and can only have very small portions. Its always difficult during family things or if I'm in a restaurant to explain that the food left over is not because i didnt like it, but becasue i really just cant handle such a lot of food in one. May be you could let your mother or whoever know that you prefer smaller portion because you've been trying to eat other small portions of food throughout the day so its spread rather than just at one go with dinner?? Say it's new health thing and you wanted to give it ago?

As for the scars do you have any light weight cardigans or summer long sleaves or a bunch of lovely looking bracelets (some get in charity shop too).
I've some really nice flimsy jackets that go nicely over tops for summer so you can still stay cool be arms are covered.
I wear a watch over my close wrist scar.
You could find some foundation to paint onto the scars, it doesnt make it completely go but certainly makes it a lot less obvious to others.

are there any you could put down to some reasonable accident?
You could if you were feeling particularyconfident go along and just say that you suffer from mental health problems where self harm is part of it. (that is super tricky sitution to be put in, you have to be in the right frame of mind and know that some people may be either shocked or perhaps suddendly have some insight into your condition and find that they suddenly are able to have a sympathy for you. Only a thought, but truely trying to talk to family about things is not always terrible easy.

Maybe a trusted family member to come along to one of sessions with mental health people. Depends how much you'd rather keep to yourself and you are perfectly intitled to take control of yourself. No one is pressing you to talk to someone you wish not to talk with. You are your own person and essentially you know whats best.

You dont choose your families but you do choose your friends . Do you have a friend you think you could talk to and maybe have as suuporrt while youre evoer there?

Do you have a therapist or doc you could talk to about your feelings and trying to find solutions around it. If you get really panicked, maybe they could give you some anti-anxiety med for a couple of days>

Do you have something that is special and personal and comforting where you live that would make you feel grounded while you go to visit. Somthing that could fit in your pocket or in you handbag?
I keep a list of happy events that have passed so I can smile each time I read it :)
I also carry a small photo of my family in my purce (sounds silly but I do loook at them and feel somehow warmer)

Maybe before you go and you realise that some people might be shocked at your arms....have a short few lines memorised about what you're going to say so they dont catch you out and leave you speechless and them gossiping about you.
You could always focus on the fact that you are recieving help for the problems you are experiencing, they might be better if they knew that.

You are you after all. You are always going to be loved if not by one then by the other most certatintly. You are loved indeed :) Love ones are good at seeing you whole a the wonderful person they know you are inside. The illness isn't all you, it's just another part of you at the moment which is being treated.
I always scream that I am not my illness, I am MEEEE :)

Hope some of this helps??
If not then I'm osrry, I've gone on some havent I!
best of luck
xx

[chocostashchick]

^ Hammy said some great things, lovely advice up there

you already know what you need to do
you admitted that you hadnt been eating properly and that a good meal would do you good
we tend to have good instincts and know what we need and what is good for us, but somehow because of the illness or whatever we dont listen to ourselves when we should
listen to yourself honey
you need to eat a good proper meal and get all your lovely vitamins and nutrients
it doesnt have to mean over-eating and you dont have to eat everything but pace yourself and maybe when you get your plate set goals and take it one food at a time and if people make comments or ask questions you can be honest, but you dont have to say more than you want to. if they comment that you arent eating a lot just honestly say that you arent hungry right now but the food really is delicious, or something. if you dont make it seem like a big deal, they wont think it is a big deal and they wont try and drag it all out of you. that said, clearly you are stressed out about this and suffering and you deserve help honey. you shouldnt have to be so upset over this. do you have a counsellor or doc you can talk to? anybody? maybe somebody in your family or a friend could help you, or could support you and help you find someone.
i hope the meal and everything goes okay
be safe
xxxooo callie

[blondiebear]

I understand. I feel awful around my mother.
Can you just tell her that you want to taste and savor the different foods?

[Merc]

sorry hun....i well know the feeling of that fear...
one suggestion, maybe post this in the ED forum too. There you may get more replies and from PPL who REALLY KNOW. (NOT saying you shouldn't have posted here)...not that at all... good for you for sharing!!!

romp

[Slip]

l'il esky, I don't really have any major advice that will help, if I did I would be using it on my own family! But...I know what its like & just wanted to say I hope its not too horrible & good luck!!

DE x

[l'il esky]

thankks guys,
in a really crummy mood today :( just been to the counsellors could only manage half the session then had to stop. phoned my manager who is great and had a bit of a chat with her. just want the ground to swallow me up!!!!! mega :('s xxx

[blondiebear]

*drops in to give you a hug*

I like what hammy said about having something special and soothing to hold. I do that with my AA "chip" a brass coin with the serenity prayer on one side and the number of years I've been sober on the other. Otherwise it is in my wallet next to my medical insurance card.