sorry

TearsHurt · 26-04-2008, 10:05 PM

I'm sorry for posting so much and not replying to anyone other posts. I am so down at the minute. I thought going back to s/h would make it better. But in reality I think its made it worse. I don't want to stop s/hing again tho jst incase it is the oppisite and I'm feeling better than I would be if I were to not s/h.
I know I should talk to my counsellor or jst anyone about it, but I can't. On thurs and fri my counsellor was trying to get hold of me, but I ignored all of her calls simply cos I didn't want to talk.
My boyfriend made me promise to leave the house tomorow and do something with my day even if it is just walking down to the beach. But I know I'm not gonna leave the house. The only time I'm going to leave my room is to smoke.
I just can't be bothered to do anything any more. I'm supposed to be revising and writing essays. If I don't revise then I can't go to uni which means my career plan goes down the drain. But every time I go to revise. Well everytime I do anything really I just keep on thinking about how much I've messed up my life.
Sorry for ranting again, I jst needed to get it all out

green.eyes · 26-04-2008, 10:39 PM

hey hun
sounds like there's a lot going on at the moment. i know it's hard but your bf is right, try to leave your room as much as possible.
if you cant talk to your counsellor write them a letter? or talk to someone else you trust.
as for revision, i'm in a similar position so i know it can seem impossible. do tiny little bits like organising folders etc to prove to yourself you can do it. revise for 10 minutes then watch an episod of a program you like/ part of a film and let yourself watch a bit more for every 10 minutes of work you manage. reward yourself. do the bits that interest you first to get you going.
if you dont feel able not to SI at the moment then try to control it, you can quit when things are more manageable.
don't be sorry for posting hun
take care, hope things improve
*hugs*

TearsHurt · 26-04-2008, 10:49 PM

Hi thanks for your reply. I know he's right, I just can't face seeing anyone tho or doing anything.
Thanks for the tip with revision, I actually tried that today but I ended up watching constent programmes/films and not doing any revision. Ahh well..this time next month and I won't have to worry about it any more

l'il esky · 26-04-2008, 11:00 PM

*huggles* dont apologise for posting sweetie. we'r here for you!!!
sh gets in your brain, and the endorphines or whatever they are called give you false happy signals after injure and feel better for a while but then have to deal with the guilt and people discovering the scars and thats when the lows come in. be strong chick pea. as you say 1 month to go and the revising will be over xx

silentforyou · 27-04-2008, 01:27 AM

It's okay, you let it all out here. Rant and rave all you want :)

Maybe your boyfriend is right about getting out a bit? Maybe you could go out together somewhere? I know going out can be hard, but maybe give it a try.
As for all the revision, I agree with green.eyes. Reward yourself. Maybe do it with music if the TV didn't work? Or with a bit of time doing something else you enjoy. Find something that works for you *hugs*.
And also maybe with all these things going on its not helping the SI. Try and control it the best you can for now, and then when the studying is mostly over in a month and other things are more bearable you can try to stop more. Do whats best for you.

Love and hugs, X