No anti-pychotics, No diagnosis. Annoying!

[alienshe_cheesycake]

So I've been really badly depressed for the past couple of years
It gradually got worse and worse until the point where I ended up in hospital a couple of times.

I get a bit paranoid, I see weird things and I hear voices when I'm not well. A lot of the time I totally lose it when I see and hear weird things and I lose whole days to this.
I experience bad dissociation, often whole days I don't remember at all because I've been so spaced out.
I'm bulimic and often purge upto 20 times a day and I SI every day.

SI and SUI is pretty much an obsession with me, I think about it 24 hours a day. It is the whole aspect of my personality and pretty much ruins my life. It is distracting to the point where I have considered SUI because I can't get it out of my head long enough to have a productive day.

Even before I was depressed I was experiencing most of these other symptoms. Despite the voices and the hallucinations I'm not being given any anti-pychotics which I find annoying and hard to believe.
I'm also driven to to the point of SUI with the amount of obsessing I do over SI and SUI.

It drives me crazy because I think there is somthing more than "just depression" wrong with me. Am I making any sense?
I just don't think that it can be right to have all these symptoms and no diagnosis.

I'm desperate for a diagnosis or some anti-pychotics to control these hallucinations and voices because It's pushing me to the point of SUI.

Why is it that my pych wont give me any anti-pychotics??
It's ruining my life!

sorry for the stupid thread, it's just wearing me down badly
I want to know what the hell is wrong with me!

[Stellata]

I would think that they're aiming to treat the depression first and see what happens as that eases.
Another factor could be your age. Most clinicians are reluctant to offer a firm diagnosis until the personality has started to stabilise, in the late teens.

What kind of diagnosis were you hoping for? What do you think is wrong? Have you told them about all this?

[alienshe_cheesycake]

Urgh I don't know what kind of diagnosis I want.
I just want one. Sounds stupid, it would just make things so much easier
Easier when I'm filling in forms or when I'm talking to my family or friends
Just so I have a clear idea of "whats wrong with me" you know?

I just think that I have a lot of problems that were around way before I ever got depressed, you know?

I think that the stuff that was around before I was depressed made me depressed in the first place and are the main factors that I need to work on.

I just feel like theres somthing majorly wrong with me
and the hallucinations and voice is doing my head in
I've just come out of hospital and I'm finding it hard to cope with all this other stuff.
I just think that I need a diagnois to kind of, know what the hell is wrong
Even if the diagnosis is just, depression.

[Stellata]

I know, exactly.. I understand.
Have you asked your dr or psychiatrist what your diagnosis is? I know mine didn't tell me until I asked..

[dark_light]

Have you asked your doctor about different medication options? When you were in hospital did they give you any meds when you were hallucinating to calm you?

I know how frustrated you must be feeling because i've been in almost identical situations. I hope that therapy will help you to deal with the constant si/sui rattling in your head.
I think drs are reluctant to diagnose younger patients but that doesn't mean that your symptoms are any less valid or distressing. I would keep telling your dr over and over if necessary how distressing the hallucinations are. Maybe keeping a diary would help to show how often and the nature of them?

Its not a stupid thread, its horrible feeling that you don't know whats wrong.
Take care xxxxx

I hear you. My situation probably isn't as bad as yours, but I've spent a lot of time in and out of hospital and on millions of medications with my hallucinations and voices beign classed from everything to pseudo-hallucinations, quasi-psychosis, atypical ocd, depression, disassociative disorder, bpd.

I get what you mean about wanting a diagnosis. I hate how some doctors just assume you want to be ill with that, I know what you mean. It's really frustrating when you have all the symptoms of something like psychosis, but be told (or know) you're not psychotic. I know most of my symptoms aren't psychotic, but I thought all my hallucinatory experiences were until my Dad died and I started having 'real' psychotic experiences (though I dont' have psychosis fullblown).

How old are you and what country? Don't worry if you don't want to say. I only ask because some countries and places in various countries will not give under 18s much medication. It took about four years to find a medication that worked with me. I do think, you would have a good case for needing medication with your situation in hospital. Possibly you could ask for a reason in writing from them.

With mh being your personality, you've been in hospital lately right? That's pretty much what happened to me after a while there. I am still after being out for seven months rebuilding my life. But I really relate to you, and if you want to chat add me on msn or email me (firebreath_roaringdragon@msn.com). I have pretty much all those symptoms (although I've stopped purging lately), and I've been in that situation.

You probably have asked your doctor these things, but could you ask what treatment you're going to get / are getting and what it is aimed at. Maybe write down why it is so **** not knowing what's wrong with you and ask them to try and explain it to you.

However, having said that, diagnoses are harmful too. I'm sure you've been told this, I find my diagnosis of borderline puts me in shitty situations, yet I asked for a diagnosis so many times just because I thought that would explain everythign for me, but in the end they haven't.

Take care, sorry for the autobiographical ramble.

Roby x

[happyjack]

Antipsychotic, as antidepressant are missleading labels for meds. should be more like reduced voices and indifferent feelings toward them - as in antipsychotic (symptoms do not dissappear as a result of the med but to the indifferent feeling they produce). Mild indifference to factors affecting mood is better to describe antidepressants. So if the doc feels that yor probs stem from mood probs he will px an antidepressant to boost seretonin and/or neurodrenaline activity. Note that abnormalities in seretonin/neurodenaline can induce voices etc. Voices etc in the sense of schizophrenia for eg stem from abnormalities in the dopamine system (not affected by mood). Also if traits are personality disorder are present, a diagnosis cannot be made until your in your late teens at the earliest - this is set out in the ICD-10 diagnostic criteria that docs must follow.

[alienshe_cheesycake]

Thanks 4 the replies at least I know I'm not alone in wanting to know whats wrong with me.

And fallenrain I'm 17 and live in the uk, but I've been prescribed anit-depressants that aren't supposed to be given to under 18's so I dunno.....
When I was in hospital and feeling really freaked out by the voice or the hallucinations they used to just give me some lorazipan or diazapan,
which I suppose helped a little bit, just in calming me down (I tend to go into full "freak out" mode when I start hearing/seeing weird stuff)

I think I maybe just need to keep drumming it in , just how much the obsessional thoughts/hallucinations are bothering me, and maybe they can do somthing.

It's just really hard being out of hospital, I just feel like my mental problems and the SI has taken over my whole personality. It is me. That's all I am and all I do and think about. There's nothing left anymore.
I've totally withdrawn into myself. I spend 99% of my time alone thinking about SUI and SI, I've cut everyone out of my life (pardon the pun lol)
I just feel so damm empty and I need to know whats wrong.
But then again maybe that's just me trying to pin an indentity onto myself again, just like I now consider myself to be a SI'er and nothing else....

I just don't feel comfortable asking for a diagnosis in case it annoys whoever I'm asking. I get the feeling that they would just give me somthing annoyingly vauge, or say that I'm too young.

It's just annoying