Triggering (SI/ED) - Screaming inside. Advice needed.

[-Chelsey-]

I'm seriously angry.
My heads in a mess.
I can't seem to eat enough. I KNOW 200 calories isn't enough. But it's annoying me,. that I can't beat these voices.
Somebody here is winding me up so much, I want to just have time to myself. But I can't, I have to be checked every 5 minutes. I want to have my own space which I can do what I want without getting disturbed. I was trying to make myself eat, and he has ago at me telling me to get out the kitchen, and do the thing of "I've been here longest" Argh.
I need to let my anger out. But obviously, I have no open feild, I can't scream I can't do anything because this isn't my house. It isn't even my home. I want to hurt myself majorly. But you know waht? I can't. I need to. Or I'll do something worse. Something that isn't just a few cuts, It will be a matter of life and death. But I can't let everything out constructivly, It's just not possible. I can't carry on living this stupid lie, I need to be home, I need to have the support from people who are actually ALLOWED to hug me, staff can't hug. Full stop. I need a hug, I need someone who I can cry into their shoulder. That's my mum. Not enough that I'm not even at home right now, But my parents are on holiday.. Venice.. I can't even contact them- No phone on thier side- I don't have anyone I can call in this situation. I can't do a thing. Except think of all the possible things I could do to myself.
I need help, But who from? Apart from smashing myself up, running/ what is there to do...

[Nici-x]

Im sorry to hear your going through a tough time. Do you mind me asking, where are you living at the moment?
200 calories really isnt enough babe. Our dg is 2000 cals a day. This is dangerously low. Are you getting help for this?
You can do this, keep fighting it. keep posting if it helps.
PM me anytime x x x

[Jasmine222222]

Where are you sweetie? Maybe you could get a hold of a notebook to write in or something. At the very least stay online and talk to the people on RYL. Or let out a long string of angry posts in this thread.

[-Chelsey-]

I'm in a childrens home which is acting as an IP unit as there were no beds free in an actual unit. If that makes sense,
I'm not getting help with my ED, but to be fair.. I don't know if I can handke it. Them making me stay the same weight.
I just don't know.. Ranting just doesn't do the same any more..

[jlc2010]

y are u in a childrens home?

and yes u can handle it, u just have to find the right help. and yeah, 200 calories is SERIOUSLY low. u kno, maybe u should let out ur anger on one of these threads on RYL instead of thinking of every dangerous thing 2 do with urself. u dont deserve to damage urself like this.

[pixiedust]

I wish I could come and give you a big hug sweetie.

Is that girl still there then? Have you told them that you two aren't supposed to be together?

Did you let him know that you were trying to get something to eat? Is he one of the staff? I would've thought that if he was he would be more understanding *hugs*

Is it next week you've got your meeting? Tell them that you need to be at home because you've got better support there. Could you text your mum and ask her to phone you? I know it'll be expensive if they're abroad but even a quick phone call might help?

Please don't give up sweetie. I know it's really hard and that you feel trapped where you are and can't let your feelings out but remember, if you do something 'bad' it's more likely they'll keep you there longer. I don't want you hurt sweetie. You're so special. I wish I could do something to help.

I know it's not the same but I'm sending you lots of hugs. Phone me/text me/pm me/email me etc whenever. Oh and please don't feel guilty about not being around much, I just want you safe. Anyway, I know you're still at the other end of the phone and that means a lot. Just remember I am too yeah.

Take care sweetie,
Loves you xxx

[Stellata]

((((((((((((((((Chelsey))))))))))))))))

You can curl up with a soft toy and cry. That's ok. You don't have to hurt yourself.