Triggering (SI) - do i want to stop??

[l'il esky]

had a meeting with my manager today about sh, she said she didnt think i wanted to get better! the problem is i'm not sure i do want to stop sh-ing. is this wrong??????????????

[brap_brap]

You do want to stop. It isnt wrong because its because its additive. My manager found out that i sh today so did somebody else because they had to take me the hospital cose i was bleeding

[l'il esky]

ohhhhhh really struggling, want to hurt so much!!!!! in big heap of mess :(

[raining_inmyhead]

holds you tight... keep yourself safe ok sweetie,

its not wrong to question if you want to stop... its hard... it is addictive and we can rely on it so much...

i'm 4 months free now... and i swear i didnt wanna stop, i still dont believe i am stopped forever... like deep inside i know sometime i will go back... thing is it is easier to go without now, IT DOES get easier... i guess i will always associate with sh, but not act on it... i cant face using scar reducing creams or anything either... cos i need them still at this point...

anyway sorry, that was too much about me...

it really is ok to be wanting to stop, and not wanting to stop at the same time,

you say you are struggling just now... has anything in particular caused this mess tonight? please post how you are feeling and what has happened... it might help...

huggles... please keep yourself safe and take care okay...

xxx

[l'il esky]

well done on the 4 months. i dont know why feeling so bad tonight, had a meeting with my manager today but cos i had to be involved in another meeting we kind of left it mid topic. she is worried cos what i am doing or thinking of doing is worse than has been, even tho head cloud has been improving sh isnt. im getting frustrated cos the damage i want done isnt happening not through want of trying!!!!! obviously cant go into too much details. phone my friend and sobbed for an hr now trying something new sh wise. my brain hurts so much and to make things worse my mnager said that she thought that i didnt want to get totally better cos i want a bit of the attention-not that i was sh for direct attention but know i would get something out of chatting to them-knowing that someone cares. my brain hurts so much. dont want to go to work tommorow! :(

[l'il esky]

gonna try getting some sleep-thanks for the support :) xx

[Yellow]

i can really really relate to what you said.
for years i DID NOT want to stop. period.
it was the only coping mechanism that worked for me. i think it kept me alive actually.
but i havent harmed in a while(dont keep count) and am doing much better than i did years ago. keep in mind ive been harming for 20 years.
*snuggles you close*
loves.
xxxxx

[blondiebear]

Sometimes I've wanted to quit then wanted the coping mechanism back, or wanted to scar or destroy or punish myself.
I think that SI made it possible for me to survive my teen years and even my uni years since i still lived at home.

[Merc]

its ALLLL up to you. YOu wont get better till YOU want to for YOU.

good luck
romp
(it is SOOOOOOO much worth it, honest!)