Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Back from my holiday

brap_brap · 22-04-2008, 12:15 AM

Hi im just back from my holiday which was crap because of my brother having a go at me all the time every nite all i wanted to do was cut and cut but i couldnt so i just wanted to cry all the time. Every day i wanted to jump off the ski lift i almost didAfter a week my parents ask me what was wrong And i just said that i was tired and my bro said bullshit she like this everynite and she deserves what she gets. 'i couldnt ignore my bro. The second week got harder because i kept on falling when i fell and i thought the next time i fall i got to break something so i kept on falling and i was fine all the time. I was driving back to leeds today and every 30 mins i wanted to crash the car but i couldnt do it because my car is my pride of joy. its funny when i want to crash my car i just stare in to thin space and at the last minute i have to swerve to avoid it. Just now i want to cut to take this pain away that my bro cost me. I hate living away from home but at the same time i hate living at home i cant go back there to stay sorry if this doesnt make sense and wasting yer time because i dont deserve yer time and support

Pomegranate · 22-04-2008, 12:18 AM

You aren't wasting anybody's time hun. I am sorry your brother was so unhelpful. Did you at least manage to enjoy any of the actual skiing side? How are you doing now you are back? Do you see anybody about all this stuff? xx

brap_brap · 22-04-2008, 12:38 AM

I did managed to enjoy the skiing side of things without him being there that was like once in a blue moon. Im doing slighty better since im back. No im not seeing any1 about all this stuff yet hopefully soon

chocostashchick · 22-04-2008, 02:10 AM

i'm sorry your vacation was stressful
i just got back from a horrid vacation myself
i ended up needing a vacation from my vacation hahaaha
are you in school? if it's hard for you to see somebody from home in your spare time you could always pop round to your school counsellor
since one of the most stressful things that you mention is your relationshio with your brother, though, i might suggest family therapy? you live with your family, yes? would they be up for that?
be safe and update us when you can hun
xxxooo callie

brap_brap · 22-04-2008, 05:07 PM

Im 19 and im at work which i dont like just now. I moved away from home about 6 months ago which i hate n i cant go back home cose my bro is there. I dint hae a doc where i live i only got one in my home town. i dont think they would be up for that

chocostashchick · 23-04-2008, 12:04 AM

i'm sorry they wouldnt be up for that
do you still see your doc in your home town? is that very far from where you live? maybe your home town doc can recommend a colleague or something where you live now. maybe if your brother wouldnt go for the family therapy, your mom or dad or both could go to a session with you with your doc?
i hope you feel better now that you are back. how are things going atm?
xxxooo

blondiebear · 23-04-2008, 03:11 AM

I understand about driving. I used to drive to and from work on a mountain road that is infamous for how many accidents are on it each year. What happened to me though is that my guardian angel would put a slow driver in front of me, either a mini van mom on her way to or from the outlet mall, or an old man driving a buick wearing a hat!

Wish I had wise words for you. I do have this;
*gives you a hug*

brap_brap · 23-04-2008, 07:47 PM

I live 5 hours away from my home town which the answer is no its too far. I try to go up every month for a weekend which is ok. Things are still the same for me just now

chocostashchick · 23-04-2008, 11:38 PM

yeah that's wicked far isn't it
well i still vote that you consider getting a therapist where you live now
and in the meantime *huggles you*

brap_brap · 23-04-2008, 11:47 PM

yeah it is thanks for the support and advice