Extremely afraid of losing someone

[bleeding_love]

Thoughts
Find myself getting lost in them
And I am too afraid to admit to myself why
Facing it is almost as hard as experiencing it
I just want them to stay
But I know I can't ask for that much
I do not deserve their support
I do not deserve a thing
My body keeps getting covered
In more and more
Layers of fat
Drowning me, pulling me down
Find myself wishing I was back to the self abuse
For it was the only time I ever felt beautiful
At least I had self control back then
Back then everything was different
And nothing, nothing
Will ever be the same

Why I fear being left
I do not know
I only know that I can't cope on my own
This world is too cold, too dark
Too ugly
And I'm scared, extremely scared
Of losing and losing
Keep on losing
Everything that ever meant something to me
And the tears won't stop flowing
My heart won't stop aching
Until it eventually will be the death of me
And even though I am indeed
Already dead
On the inside
It haunts me
Day and night
Suffocates me slowly
Pulls me in tighter
And there is no way out
No way out
Of this place
I call hell

[surprising mystery]

Tell whoever it is how you feel, you do derserve support and love, I promise you. Pain and suffering wont make you pretty, its an illusion of percieved control.

I dont have any advice, but for now, find a place and things that help you feel safe, curl up somewhere warm, have a hot drink and put on a happy film maybe.

Take care, <3

[bleeding_love]

I'm just so scared.

I'm too dependent on this person and I know it. But what I don't know is how to stop it. And just the thought alone of someday being left by her makes me cry.

How pathetic and needy am I ? Why can't I be strong.

It's just that everyone always end up leaving me or giving up on me and it hurts soo much, it feels like a part of me dies everytime. It is my biggest fear.

I did send this text I wrote above to my teacher but I have no idea what she'll think.

[klo_flo]

Hey,

Having wants and needs isn't pathetic - it shows that you have a real understanding of who you are what you need. I do empathise with you feeling as though you need to control them and for some outsiders it may seem scary... but remember it's you and your the best person to understand why. Have you thought about why it is that you feel these needs and then sharing with this person why it is that you feel like that?

Yes - it's scary, but the most worthwhile things in life are often the hardest.

Take care of you,
Chloe x

[huda]

hey, i just wanted to say your post really resonated with me, so much so that i finally signed up to ryl after months of just reading the forum.

i've been feeling way too attached to my tutor lately, i've been confiding to her about my self-harm and depression for a few months now. like you, i also feel like i don't deserve her attention and support although i still want it and wish i could see and talk to her everyday.

i don't know how to stop being needy as well...

pm me if you want to talk. *hugs*

[Only Distraction]

Being scared of loosing someone you care about or even love is bigger than any materialistic fear of heights or spiders. It's a fear that can take over your life, control you're every movement. It's a terrifying fear, one that can keep you up at night and make you start crying at any given moments.

I don't know whether you are loosing this person physically, mentally or emotionally - or all three - but you just have to hold on. Make the most of the time you have with them. Maybe tell them you are scared of loosing them. Maybe they feel the same as you do.

Im sorry that it hurts so much and Im sorry that I understand you oh too well.

Stay strong sweetie x