bit of a rant but replies appreciated

[perfection is a flaw]

i get released from hospital in just over two weeks
should be a good thing, cant wait to get out of this shit hole, made me so much worse
i know that thyre only releasing me because they too have given up on me, everyone does
beyond repair, thanks a fucking lot its helpful to hear that
i have no where to go
friends pissed off with me, totally given up on me
one of my 'best friends' told me that she couldnt cope with seeing me, im too much for her to handle, but she said shed ring every once in a while to check im not dead
she doesnt care enough to be there for me but wants to check i havent died - every so often
so i get to go home - to my parents
my dad who used to sexually abuse me
my mother who let him do it and then blamed me - i was a baby for fucks sake, before i could walk or talk
both my parents physically, emotionally and verbally abuse me
the physical stuff, i can take - i mean it just hurts right
but the stuff they say and do - just to hurt me, too much, cant cope with that
i could always go and stay with my ex
that would be great
he make me have sex with his friends and makes me do some of the most sickening stuff
he also hits me........quite badly......nearly died last time....
hmmm
guess i could always run away.....
...............and end up a crack whoar
what exactly am i supposed to do

[Twist89]

There are places you can go with people that will help you. I'm not sure what the numbers are that you have to call but i'll see if I can find some for you. You don't have to put up with any of that and you don't have to be hurt anymore. I know partly how your feeling atm. It doesnt have to be like this. Your friends are useless motherf*****s tbh. If they cared at all they would be helping you atm. Never give in, never give up. Theres always a way out. I'll go look for those numbers now and i'll get back to you asap. Take care hon xx

[Jasmine222222]

Like the above poster said, there are places and shelters that you could go to. You should look them up, perhaps online or someone on the hospital staff could connect you to one. You definately shouldn't go back to any of the places you're considering.

I hope you find a safe haven....you definately deserve it.

[Tig]

Hi,

I'm sorry that you feel like the hospital has given up on you, I think it can often be like that but it's not your fault, they probably just haven't got the right sort of therapy for what you need. It's a shame it only made things worse but I'm glad you are getting away from that place.

You deserve friends who care about you and will be there for you regardless of how difficult things are. The "friend" who is just going to call you, she/he isn't worth getting upset about. That is the ultimate cop-out and I'm sorry you're having to put up with it alongside everything else. I guess sometimes people just don't know what to do but your friend could do more than just calling once in a blue moon to check you're not dead.

I think it would be a good idea to call the numbers that somebody suggested, you might get a place in a hostel or in supported accomodation. These places sound scary but I'm in supported accomodation at the moment and it is really good. It can be a place to start getting things back on track and also some independence, away from the people that have hurt you. You might start to feel more secure & like you've got some control in your life.

Good Luck, you deserve to move on & be happy. Damn your parents & your friend. You do deserve better.

Lotti
x