Hey
Im on my first overnight stay at home.....but I feel so scared, I dont belong, I just want to go back to the hospital it feels safer there....in my house there are mirrors, scales, pills, etc etc I dont need to go on...but anyway i called my hospital and had a chat with the nurse but it didnt really help I dont think she understood how I felt.
I just feel so ARGH.....
food, fat, "you look well" i also missed a snack...as they are scheduled in hospital and I have to do it at home..I say miss a snack ive hardly eaten and I just have that urge to restrict because i feel so hungry and its giving me that buzz again i just wanna go weigh myself over and over again, and the thoughts of everything are in my head.
and ARGH
sorry
Baby Sammi I'm so proud of you for fighting anorexia i'm praying for god to make you stronger to beat it completely .
Hun i know that you feel safer at hospital , but you can't stay in the hospital forever , you need go out and see how things are going outside the hospital walls , so you can adjust yourself and know how to deal with triggers and develop a coping mechanism to fight them.
I'm glad that you called the hospital nurse :) may be she didn't help you much but you know that being honest and opening up is a very important key to recovery .
I love you <3
A little angel fell into my arms at the 7th of december 2010
Hi sweetie, I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it is for you, but I am so proud of you for trying so hard. You are young but you are so strong and you have your whole life ahead of you.
Do you stay with your parents? If you do, are they supportive? Could you ask them to help you out? Ask them to put the scales away and ensure you stick to the meal/snack plan you have.
sweetpea!!! i know how you feel... you feel like hiding away back at cotswold coz it seems so much safer... routine... someone telling you what to do!!? and i am proud of you for calling... who did you speak to sweetpea... they aren't going to be able to understand... you know they cant but thats why you can always talk to me coz i will try to understand as much as possible... but u do things in your own time!!
get rid of pills... get rid of scales... they seriously are not gonna help... just gonna **** with your head more!!! deep down you know that...
coming home for the first time is gonna be hard... its gonna be different... becoz u haven't been there for so long... and people are gonna say u look well becoz you do look alot better then before... i know what ana is saying "oh.. they are saying your fat see see u are fat" well... think logically ... ure weight ... charts... do not say u are fat... and i and helen and everyone here says your NOT fat!! believe us... trust us... please....
sweetpea... dont restrict... i know the urge is so fcking strong... but getting back into the cycle is just gona ruin everything.. set u right back at the start... and you really dont want that do you?
try... for me... for us... and for u!!!
lotsa love and hugs xxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxx xxx xx x
xxxbeckyxxx I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.
Sammi, my twin,
It makes me want to cry when i read this, because i know you, i know you can fight this. You have all the strength in the world, you can fight this deisese, we are all behind you.
Right now, home is too overwheleming right now, but with time, with more & more home trips, im sure it will get eaiser, much eaiser.
Recovery takes years, its not going to go away quickly, your going the right way though darling. Please dont let your anorexia trick you into restricting again, shes trying to kill you. I do not want her to succed, & i know so many others who agree with me - you have to fight this angel, you can fight it. I dont want this to ruien your life anymore than it has, you need your life back. When we move in together in the furture (remember your drawing lol), i dont want you to be sick anymore, maybe you will be? but i do not want you to be as sick, i want you to be feeling better, happy, enjoying life, not be ruled by a number - you are NOT a number. you are sammi. (sorry for the ramble)
like you said, I know we can fight this, together. Don't let this trip home bring you down. Talk to amy on wednesday, please? tell her how you really feel, she will support you, help you.
I love you so much. I'm sorry, i cant be with you now, holding your hand through it all. You mean the world to me, dont ever stop fighting, ever.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sammi, keep going sweetheart
everyone's suggestions are good, try to get rid of the scales and such
very proud of you for trying so hard
you're doing so well!
*cuddles*
you can do this!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
If we fall,
we don't need self recrimination or blame or anger -
Sammi baby,
you can do this
treat your home like being back at the hospital
stick to your schedule
don't listen to anything else
YOU CAN DO THIS
you have been doing so well recently, keep going
focus on what is important...getting better
all my love x
Sammi hunni, you can do it. All the temptations are there at home, but you are stronger and more amazing than you realise. You are getting better to enjoy your life and to be happy and healthy - all the comments about looking "well" and the old buzz of starving seem so important tonight, but you deserve to be truly better.
And you can do it darlin :)
All my love
xxxxfreddiexxxx
F r e d d i e
I am raw meat in a slaughter house, packaged according to what you are hungry for . . .
Aww Sammi I'm sorry to hear it's still not easy for you, but don't worry, the more times you come home, the better you'll do, you just have to keep fighting this.
Thinking of you honey, so you're not alone
xxxxxxxxx
How could you become as awesome as you are and still feel like a loser?
.gif "rose")
