Triggering (SI/ED) - Failing... again. I'm never going to be better!! *slight rant*

[ems]

Ok I've been off section 2 weeks now. and my bulimia's not good. At all. I'm already cutting almost everyday again. To the point where i really need stitches.. but won't go cos i can't let anyone find out. I hit a smallish artery in my leg tonight... barely managed to stop it bleeding... and I only did cos i've mostly cut off the blood supply to my lower leg. Thing is.. i'm going to see my bf on the 2d May. He lives in LA. I need a letter from my doc saying that i'm not a danger to myself or others to legally be allowed to enter the USA. (cos of my recent section) So I can't tell anyone how i'm feeling cos theyll tell people wholl tell my psych etc. I can't get ay hospital treatment for cuts cos my doc will find out. I don't know how i'm gunna get through the next 14 days!!! I have to. I just have to ... but yeh... how?! I keep getting tempted to OD or just stop eating all together. for good. (which's what got me sectioned and ugh). Just need a hug.. feeling too fragile... :( Any advice? Emma xox

[Pomegranate]

*sends you lots of hugs*

It sounds like a really tough situation hun. I want and feel like I should tell you that you need to get checked out if your cuts need stitching but I can see where you are coming from. Do you think not going to see your bf would be detrimental to your mental health? If it would simply be disappointing then I think you need to put your health first and speak to someone. If you think it would have a more severe long term impact on you then maybe just use helplines/here to try and stop yourself and use the trip and required letter as motivation to help you stop? I'm sorry I have no really useful advice but my PM box is always open if you need to chat x

[effervescence]

i'm sorry. i feele exhausted today but just wanted to say i know all about long distance relationships so i know how hard it is. but hitting arteries isn't good so i agree with emma (lifeisabitch emma lol)

[ems]

Thanks... yeh.. ive planned the trip 3 times before and not gone cos i wasnt allowed. I need to see him... it wouldn't just be dissapointing... he came over here in Feb.. thats what gave me the energy to persevere and get off my section..

[dark_light]

I know where you are coming from, i was discharged end of feb only to land back here beginning of april. Its hard when you've been used to 24 hr support. And its hard when you've been denied alll those things and they are suddenly there for you.
However if you want to go to America i think you really need to make yourself do all the things you were doing in hospital that were keeping you safe. You must have been doing well to have had your setion lifted? Is there anyone you can talk to who isn't involved in your care?
If you can't stop the si and its that bad in the end people will find out whether you want them to or not. Long term isn't it worth you getting better? Then you can go over whenever you want.
(((Massive Hugs)))
pm me anytime (you know how much time i have right now if u wanna chat lol)
Jo xxxxx

[ems]

I don't know!!!
ugh

someone tell me what to do!!do i tell them.. do i lie again.. do i tell the truth and not be able to see my bf... its only 10 days... 10 days... AGHHH!!!