Basically, my grandad is really quite ill, and he's been in hospital for the past week and half waiting to have an angiogram. He's in a degree of heart/renal failure, and has chronic diabetes. He's stable at the moment, but his health hasn't been great for a long time, and nobody's very optimistic.
I was talking to my therapist about it today, and she said that my mum has already started grieving.
Just wanted some opinions really. Is it possible to do that before someone has even died?
When you know/believe that you are going to lose somebody it is entirely possible to start grieving before they have actually gone-it's your mind's way of preparing itself so that the pain isn't unbearable when the person actually goes.
take care,
Katy
xxx
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
Yeah of course its possible, ive been doing it for 6 months. In a way when the death happens your more prepared, Its going to be hard no matter how prepared you are. I sound like I have no heart but its the way I am. Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen. Ruining your life in the process will not help. I'm grieving for my mum, she isnt even dead yet. She doesnt want my life to end when hers does and I'm sure your grandad wouldnt either. If you feel it would help you to grieve now then thats what you should do. Remember life goes on, not very well at first but it will eventually be almost back to normal. Hope you dont feel to bad.
StaRR
xx
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandad's illness. It isn't just death that people can grieve over, but the loss of anything. Perhaps you feel like you have lost certain aspects of your grandad and miss the things that he can no longer do. So yes, i'm positive that it is possible to grieve while someone is alive. You're in my thoughts and I hope that things go well. Please get in touch any time. Take care. xxx
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I think it is possible, she could be preparing for the grief that she might eventually feel. Perhaps to try and reduce the shock of if he passes, or of seeing him so ill at the moment. I felt grief regarding my grandma a long time before she passes, because I could see it was coming and it was sad that she was losing the ability to do things she could do before and to see how unwell she was. So certainly, I felt grief even though she hadn't already died. Perhaps your mother is doing the same.
I hope things are alright with you all, please try and be gentle with yourself and your mother through this tough time - keep talking to your therapist about it because that can be a good outlet, and I hope that things end up alright.
I'm already grieving, I think. My stepdad and Granny are both dying. Granny will be in the next weeks/months and my stepdad within the next year-4yrs. I think it's healthy, it'll be less of a shock when it happens.
I started grieving for my grandmother about 5 years before she died. She didn't have a terminal disease or anything. She just wasn't the same, anymore. I think grief is the same thing as missing somebody terribly. Grief feels so horrible because you know you'll never see that person, again. I missed my younger grandma that had always taken care of me, and I missed her terribly because I knew I'd never have that grandmother, again. I was still sad when she finally died, but I know I wasn't as sad as I would have been if I hadn't already gone through a lot of grieving. Take care of yourself.
