i've been cutting everyday, and last night i cut deeper than i have for, i don't know, months. it's not enough, i feel like i need to do more, overdose or something. i thought i'd have the chance today but i didn't, and i'm disappointed. i can't imagine feeling better, i think it would be a terrible crime for me to help myself. i don't know what to do, i want this to stop, but i'm not allowed to want anything or HE will come back and punish me, that's why i have to cut everyday, to stop HIM being angry and shouting at me, punishing me. i don't know what to do, i want this to stop but i can't be nice to myself so what can i do?
Being nice to yourself is one of the hardest things to do in my opinion. It takes time and a willingness to forgive yourself. Whatever you have done in the past, remember it does not mean you deserve to be punished. Hang in there.
I'm so sick and tired of the taste of tears the sting of pain the smell of fear the sounds of crying
-Voltaire "Feathery Wings"
I'm sorry, I don't think anything I could say will be able to take away the pain you so obviously are in right now. If I had a magic wand and could take it from you to lift the burden, I would.
I know how you feel and I understand how destroying the urges to cut are, but what I can see from standing outside your situation is that you did something amazing today.
Despite all those urges to cut - you didn't. I'm not sure who "he" is or what he did to you but don't let him make you feel you need to punish yourself.
Don't write his hate on your arms. You're worth more than that.
You're not a bad person, you're just in pain and worth every bit of help that could come your way.
You said "he" would come back and punish you....honey are you in trouble?
Is there anywhere safe you can go that would relieve the pressure and the fear for a while?
I'm always happy to help or offer advice wherever I can and I can see your beauty shining through, whatever you may feel about yourself, I see differently.
Please, please pm me anytime, we can talk about anything. You can cry, scream, vent, anything, I'm always here if you need someone.
I realise I'm not the best at giving advice, but my care and concern are genuine and I wish I knew how to make it better for you.
Han7777777 is my dear RYL sister.
Ordette a.k.a prs100 is my RYL Daughter
thank you for the replies, they were very thoughtful. i've got wound up in my own, head, forgetting other ways of seeing things.
'he' isn't anyone, or rather, he is everyone, like all th different colours of the rainbow making white light. i am told he isn't real but for me, he is as real as anything else. i forget what is real and end up self-harming because i can find in it a cause, effect and solution when the rest of the world seems alien.
i am in trouble with 'him' because he had said i had to kill myself, and instead, i told someone how bad i was feeling, and since then, allowed opportunities for carrying out his wishes to be taken away from me, because i was afraid. so he is angry with me and so i cut to make up for being alive.
