Triggering (SI/Suicide) - somebody better

[flying rain]

I don't know what I'm going to do.

He found somebody else. My ex has finally gotten over me. This is so ****ing pathetic...I'm pathetic. I broke up with him back when I stupidly thought I could live without him. Like anyone else would ever ****ing want me. It was just a fluke of nature that he even liked me. And now he's done what I've wanted him to do--He found somebody better. He's pulling his life together while mine is falling the **** apart. Summer is coming and my friends are either working or going to be studying abroad. I'm going to have nobody. And that's how it will be all the next year, too. I'll ****ing have nobody. People think I'm strange. My ex said a few weeks back that he'd be surprised if I didn't find somebody else before this year is out. HA. Fat ****ing chance. He forgets that I'm a stupid, worthless, fat, ugly, disgusting, socially inept freak. He forgot it because he was somehow able to see through it and love me anyway. Like anybody else in the world can do that.

****. I fail. I fail at life. My grades are slipping, I self harmed three times last night, I have no friends here at college, and I have intense guilt and self-hatred whenever I do rely on my good friends for help. I shouldn't be putting them through this ****. They are good people, they deserve SO much better than me. I should do what I've been planning to do. One less worry on my friends, one less person to put up with. I'm not going to get better. This is only going to get worse. I hope he gets married to somebody else and settles down like he wanted. I hope he has a good life, I really do. I want people to be happy but I constantly impede on that happiness with all my stupid problems and ****. How can people say I'm a good friend or even a good person??? All I do is drag people into my miserable issues and don't let them out.

[chocostashchick]

know what? your friends are nice and smart and lovely it sounds like, so please trust them and let them decide for themselves if they like you and care about you and want to be your friend or not. actually, most grown adults do that on their own anyway and don't hang out with a person they don't like. your friends don't refuse to hang out with you and don't pretend not to know you, so chances are they do like you honey. don't second-guess yourself please. trust them even if you can't trust yourself right now. you are a good person and a loveable person.
xxxooo

[dark_light]

Callie is right - people wouldn't spend their time on you if they didn't care, people have too many other things to worry about to spend time on people they don't care about.
And your ex was with you for a reason, not because he saw through anything. You will meet someone else one day, your ex wouldn't have said those things if he didn't mean them.
Take care hon xxxx

[Yellow]

*snuggles you close*
callie and jo are two very wise young ladies.
i have nothing to add.
keeping you in my thoughts.
loves.
xxxxx

[blondiebear]

You have to want yourself. You have to be good to yourself. You will find another guy when it is time, or he will find you.

Sometimes grades slip. Once you have the diploma in your hand, it does not matter what your grades were. Finishing university means that you have learned ways of learning and that you can finish something, see it through until it is completed.

*gives you a cherishing hug*