ok so my dad was sexually abusive to me when i was a kid. from the time i was 3 on up till 13. and i was also molested by a friend of the family. im having a really hard time dealing with everything. i have touched on this question in a post about slip ups but didn't really ask any one. when me and my boy friend are fooling around sometimes i have serious flashbacks and start crying and its just not good. does anyone else get these? and also ive been having dreams that are reliving every thing that has happend. what do you guys do? sometimes it like i can still feel him touching me...
thanks
lauren
Just one more day....
Children, don't stop dancin', believe you can fly away
"Pain has never been so brillian, i made sure you were buckled in, now you can walk hand in hand, hand in hand with Him."
Its hard to tell you what to exactly do, because it will take time to rid of these. First tell your boyfriiend what is happening, so he doesnt think that it is him. I was sexually abused myself and therapy got me through it.It happened a lot. it is PTSD... you get reminded of a past event by something that triggers it, and the flashback comes. It is very common hunny. Are you seeing anyone for this?
i was seeing a therapist and she put me in a hospital for cutting and then when i got out assumed i was all better and said i didn't need to come back. so no im not.
Just one more day....
Children, don't stop dancin', believe you can fly away
"Pain has never been so brillian, i made sure you were buckled in, now you can walk hand in hand, hand in hand with Him."
I'd have to agree with Behindblueyes - it's hard for anyone to really tell you what exactly to do, but letting your boyfriend in on this, I would say, is definitely a good idea (unless he already knows - hopefully he understands). It would also probably be ideal to get another therapist for this - sometimes you've just got to keep trying. One therapist might be better than the last, and so on. I admire you for being able to open up; I don't think I'll ever be able to. I can relate to you a lot, and I can just say I understand your struggle. Hang in there hun, be strong, and stay safe.
Feel free to PM me anytime if you'd like to talk.
-Senzafine
Last edited by Senzafine : 14-06-2007 at 06:41 AM.
Hey, I know what it's like.
Quite recently I had my first and only flashback to when I was sexually abused.
It's scary and the guy I was with felt awful because I just burst into tears and wouldn't tell him what was the matter.
Like they already said telling your boyfriend is the first step.
I know it's hard because I'd never told anyone until then, but it does help, and it will hopefully encourage him to look after you.
PM me if you want/need to talk to someone
xxxxxxxxxxxx
For what it's worth it was worth all the while. I hope you had the time of your life...
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh; I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
~ ddoouubbllee lleetttteerr tthhrreeaaddeerr
~ honourary emma
~ honourary katY [Kat*Y* with a *Y* Club]
big hugs hun...
i also know what it's like to get flashbacks when i am being sexual with someone..these days i find it really hard to do anything without getting flashbacks..its hard to live with but i also think that you should continue to seek counselling, as much as flashbacks come when you are triggered it is also a way of your mind letting you know that you're ready to remember and work through the abuse
and as above talk to your boyfriend if you feel comfortable enough, and just take things slow, only do what you're comfortable with, dont push yourself hun.
stay safe
xoxox
Do not follow the common path.....go where there is no path and leave a trail.....
thank you guys so much for your response. i guess therapy is going to be the only way. ill try to find another one. i talked to my boyfriend.he understood. thank god.... now i just have to talk to my mom about going back into therapy. she thinks everything is all good. i just wanna wait until i go to college in aug. then go so she doesn't know but i don't think i can wait that long..
Just one more day....
Children, don't stop dancin', believe you can fly away
"Pain has never been so brillian, i made sure you were buckled in, now you can walk hand in hand, hand in hand with Him."
Yes i am the same way. i am married but hate fooling around with my husband. it brings on terrible flashbacks almost evrytime. i was abused from 3-24 by multiple people. i have twin boys so it makes it even harder because i am so scared they will get hurt but i know i cant over protec t them cause then they will hate me and sneak out and maybe get hurt later ion life. its been several months since i havbe fooled around at all and my husband totally doesnt understand why i freak when its him and not a perpatrator. so yes i totally get where you are coming from and yes i freak also.
i still have flashbacks. they havent died down at all in the past 2 or so years and it is frustrating. i havent even managed to talk to my counsellor about the abuse yet. im going to a group called SOS (Survivors of Sexual Abuse) which is by me and im hoping that going to there will help me feel more at ease talking about it.
does your boyfriend understand what has happened to you hun? it always helps if your partner understands what has happened and how you feel. my ex girlfriend didnt and it was hell.
anyways if you need me just PM me, ok?
Take care chick
Love Tanya x
he understands a bit. not really tho. idk... i just wanna be able to tell him but he won't get it. that group sounds good. we don't have anything like there where i live unfortunately.
Just one more day....
Children, don't stop dancin', believe you can fly away
"Pain has never been so brillian, i made sure you were buckled in, now you can walk hand in hand, hand in hand with Him."
When you go through a harsh emotional experience the shock of it opens the door to the subconscous and many suggestions and experiences get inside and under the intellect where they drive thinking, feeling, memory etc. Your body even has a type of memory called CRR (Conditioned Reflex Response) and you can find yourself reliving things over again - sometimes even in more details than you remembered at the time.
The tricky part is these suppressed emotions want to burn off and go away. That's why they come up again for review. If you over react to them still that's one thing that keeps the flashbacks going.
The boyfriend issue can also trigger the mechanism. First, you may end up being drawn to guys who will have a drive for using you. Violated/abused people often gravitate to circumstances where they compulsively (and often unconsciously) re-create the traumas - even if not as severe. Or - even if you find a good relation you project your resentments at a bf as if he was the bad guy. Its a complicated thing. Hurt people feel drawn or repelled by things that are symbolic of the original events.
In any case, you want a bf that is more of an anti-truama - meaning he needs to care about you more than his own little drives. I learned that if you fool around selfishly with a hurt girl a part of her will start to hate you and its near impossible to ever correct it. Alas most married people find out the same things but much latter. So in that sense your more aware than alot of people and is your caused to be more cautious with your relations you might end up better off in the long run since you can demand more and not settle for just "someone".
Don't torture yourself with the past either. What your Dad did was very wrong but I have no doubt he was compulsive in his actions. Some adults just hate kids innocence and can't wait to disrupt them. Others were abused themselves and feel compelled to do the same to other people. You don't have to love your Dad or make excuses for him, but be careful about hating him for your own sake. It's the hate that will make you feel guilty and as if you were an inferior person. Bad people actually want you to hate them so that they feel power as you fall. If you don't fall they often feel self conscious because they see themselves when they can't hide behind your hatred of them as an excuse.
It might be hard to see but our own feelings do more hard than the actual events - even though I know they are bad. If I accidentally sat in bird poops on a bench it would be gross but I could laugh about it to myself or my friends. However if people attacked me with bird poops and I got upset then I would feel much more degraded and each time I saw bird poops I might feel degraded. Of course it's ok to see bad experiences for what they are - just dont beat yourself up dwelling on the associations - as if everyone else in the world is clean and bright and your a dirty rag because that's just not the case at all in reality.
im like that. or i used to be. some people, like me, just "grow out" of it. havent had a flash back for two years. same with the nightmares. i found forgiving the person in my heart if not out loud or to there face made things easier. its the first step to letting the trauma go i think. but do see a psychchologist, preferably one who specialises in PTSD. and do tell your bf, its disconcerting to say the least to be making out with someone and then they suddenly seem to reject you.
goodluck
