Triggering (SI/Suicide) - I can't let go of the past

[bleeding_love]

Dearest members<3

I desperatly need your help.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Triggering content, depression, SI, bulimia

I'm a 17 year old girl who's been struggling with depression, bulimia, selfharm and emotional abuse from my mother. Last year I was hospitalized for depression and a bad situation at home. While inpatient I overdosed three times and I was "lucky" I survived one attempt as the dosage I took could've easily killed me. I also used to cut myself alot and I'm covered in scars on one arm, a few on my legs and stomach, I once got an infection and had to be stitched up and you know the drill. I've also starved myself and binged/purged and overexercised for about two years.

Now I'm slowly trying to make a recovery but I am so ashamed of my past. I'm deeply ashamed for my suicide attempts, for cutting and the scars of course are a constant reminder of everything I've been through.

How can I let go? I feel so broken and out of this world.

[sparkle.]

I'm sorry to hear everything that's happened, but you shouldn't be ashamed hun. Be proud that you're trying to make recovery. That's really positive.
You deserve to feel better, what support/help are you getting with recovery?
My best advice is just to talk to people, everyone around you, because so many people care and want to help. But they can't unless you let them in, talk to your family and friends, it can't hurt xxx take care

[All I'm Living For]

can you look at it from a different point of view? like the scars may show how much you've been through but they also show how much you've survived! how lucky you are to have gotten this far when others havent!
i understand that its hard to let go though, especially when you're trying to recover. do you have a psyc or counsellor you can talk to about it? i've found that talking to someone about it can help to let it go. it can take a while though. you just need to take it once small step at a time and remember that you wont be able to let it all go overnight. it takes time, especially when you've been through as much as you seem to have.
btw even though its hard you should be proud of having gotten this far and for attempting to recover! its a great thing your doing. just the fact that you're trying is wonderful *hugs*
take care hun and feel free to pm me.

soph.

[bleeding_love]

I'm not really seeking much help right now from my psychologist or psyciatrist because I don't feel understood and I used to have supportive therapist but she left when she got pregnant.

I mostly talk to my teacher about this kind of stuff.

[All I'm Living For]

talking to your teacher is good. maybe you could think about finding another psyc though? or talk to some of your friends about how your feeling? they might be feeling the same thing. it is important that you have support through this though. if you have a good support system it makes it just that little bit easier to get through. *hugs*

soph.