Ok so i've been with my boyfriend for 14 months now,he's always been violent,controlling,aggressive. But he's never been violent towards me,he's screamed at me countless times,but never actually hit me.He doesn't seem like a nice guy but he's really sweet when we're not arguing or he's not controlling me. Thing is,in the Easter holidays i met these people at the Art project at my Camhs service,and i don't know but i felt comfortable around them because they were such down to earth people and yeh ok i liked them more because they had problems and they understood me and didn't judge me. Thing is i slept at the guy's house i met on Saturday with a load of his friends and a girl i met there too,it wasn't anything to it,it was just like a sleepover,even though me and this guy flirted like mad.Nothing happened because i was with someone.Anyway when i got home my boyfriend was at my house and when he seen me and my mum told him that i had stayed with some friends he hit me.And then he pushed me really hard against the worktop in the kitchen and i fell to the floor,then when i got up,i think i tapped him slightly on his shoulder and then he pushed me even harder.I had chest pain for about 2 hours,it really hurt.He was crying his eyes out he said he loved me and that he didn't meant to hurt me. I was so scared i sat on the floor in the corner of my kitchen and cried for about an hour,i wouldn't let anybody touch me.Then when i got the courage to stand up,i went to my room and was in hysterics crying my eyes out.
By this point he still hadn't gone home he just sat in my dining room,mum kept coming upsttairs telling me he was refusing to go home until he spoke to me. About half an hour later he came up to my room and told me he loved me,i couldn't even look at him,i couldn't touch him,i just wanhted him away from me,i screamed for my mum and then well he went home.
What made yesterday just a little bit worse was that it was my godfather's first year anniversary of his death,last night,i didn't sleep,too scared he was going to come to my house,i stayed up all night,just wishing i was dead.
So here i am,at home not going to school,too scared to be in the same building as him.
Too scared to finish him,incase he'll do something to me.
I don't think i've ever been so suicidal before.
Seems that everyone i love turns out to hurt me,i don't think anybody on this planet loves me anymore
Why did he do that to me?
Please help
x
