Miss him so much it's tearing me apart.. but i shouldn't be

ems · 12-04-2008, 11:56 PM

::sigh::
My Grandpa died on Dec 27th 2006. 15, nearly 16 months ago. When he died I fell apart and felt so guilty... i'm 17.. loads of people loose grandparents at my age. I should cope. Thing is. He was like a Dad to me... my Dad left when I was 1.. never really bothered with us since, so my Grandpa (Mum's Dad) was like my father figure. Now if you lost your Dad at 17.. I think ugh. I don't know. But anyway.. I spiralled into deep depression, severe SI and within 4 months my 1st suicide attempt. It was on my 17th birthday in fact.. May 1st... it's my 18th soon... eeek. Anyway.. I've been in hospital for 8 months, under section for 4 of those... and just got out of hospital. But.. I just miss him so much. I can't seem to accept things... I feel like I still haven't grieved for him. Mum fell apart too... which didn't help things too much.. she has clinical depression, as does my bro! (both diagnosed in the last couple of months)Anyway. I'm struggling. I'm lost and scared and confused.... cos I shouldn't be feeling like this. I should be ok. I hate myself .. grrr!

sparkle. · 13-04-2008, 01:31 AM

I'm sorry I'm not sure I have the words, but you shouldn't feel guilty, not at all.
Try and take some time now to grieve, you have had a lot going on.
Talk to your Mum and brother about memories you have of him, and maybe do something in memory of him - perhaps you could plant something you can look after and care for.
Sorry I'm not more helpful, please don't hate yourself, take care xxx

Scumbelina · 16-04-2008, 10:39 PM

You have every right to feel upset. The fact is that he meant something to you & it's completely normal to feel shaken by his death.

It may seem like a long tim ago that your Grandad died but in the grieving process it's still early days & you need to allow the process to take it's course.

He cannot be with you in person but he can be in your memory, where he'll be preserved forever :)

Megynn · 06-03-2009, 10:23 PM

im like that with my grandad and he died MUCH longer ago but you know? losing anyone is hard enough... and it doesnt get better but we learn to live with it... youv just got to think about how much he loved you and how he wouldnt want you to be upset.

(cliche i know :\)
hope that helped xo

sherbet lemon · 18-04-2009, 04:43 PM

hey how are you! i dont really no what to say except that i lost my grandad to a week before my 17th birthday and as a very close family i was devastated. hope you are well.

xxx

definelife · 06-06-2009, 07:20 AM

I m sorry for your loss. I have lost my grandpa in age of 17. I was in deep grieve for him. I loved him very much. You can do something for his memories. You can tribute any good thing to remember their memories. I know it is very hard time for you.