I'll keep this as short as possible, but i do have a tendency to ramble when i'm in a bad way, so apologies in advance.
I could do with some hugs/support right now. I'm feeling VERY down and somewhat unsafe. I went back to work today after 6 weeks off because i had a stroke. I really didn't want to go back, so wasn't in the best of moods.
I left early anyway to go to therapy, and it was a really hard session, and i basically opened up more than ever before. Not much, still very very little feeling/truth got out, but that little bit that did has made my mood plummet and i'm getting so many urges to SI, or to OD.
I stupidly weighed myself aswell, and discovered i've gained over a stone, and that's not good in my mind. I feel obese.
Since then, i've basically been in a bit of a daze and 'daydreaming' about suicide (daydreaming isn't the word i mean, but i can't think of the one i want). I'm scared of what i might do, although i have no plans at the moment i can feel my control slipping.
I really wish i could explain this to someone, but my therapy is group stuff and i can't really go into great detail. My next psych appointment is 3 months away and i have no contact numbers for anyone, so i'm really hoping some words of support could come my way to get me through until i can see someone or the feelings subside.
Liz x
Last edited by *Beth* : 13-06-2007 at 09:21 PM.
Reason: typo
i can relate to alot of what you're saying and i wish i knew the words to make u feel better but i dont really. its horrible when you feel like you're losing control and being scared of what u might do, i feel the same way most of the time. if u ever need to talk u can pm me if you want.
Hey Lizzie,
Im really sorry you're struggling so much at the moment, it must be difficult going back to work after so long off. I really hope it went ok, im sure it will start to feel more normal soon when you get back into the swing of things.
I know a stone feels like a lot to you, but you were so so tiny hun, you still are.
If you want to talk im around today but I wont be back 'til next week, but you can use RYL, you can talk to people here, you can use Live Help and if you really dont want to talk maybe you could make an alternate account.
Take care of yourself hun, you're so beautiful and so lovely.
Aimee xx
I saw this post last night but didn't reply then, partly because we don't know each other (and personally I myself tend to prefer support from people I know at least a bit). However, I'm really surprised that you've only had 3 replies so far. I've noticed you around on RYL a lot and you always seem like a friendly, caring person who is very well-liked on these boards. (Perhaps some of the people who know you better are busy with exams, or haven't noticed this post because it's in Serious rather than ED - I don't know - but I would have expected more people to reply and say what a fab person you are.) A side point to how lovely a person you seem to be - this is probably as good a point as any to say that I've always really liked your avatar - in it you look friendly, hopeful if rather fragile, beautiful and just lovely.
I'm not sure if I can offer much in the way of advice. One thing your post did make me wonder about is whether you get any one-to-one support at all - from a CPN or counsellor or anything? If the only regular support you're getting is in group therapy, then maybe, while you're feeling so unsafe, you could see your GP every week or two. Obviously, GPs appointments are short and your GP can't give you therapy. I'm not suggesting regular GPs appointments as an alternative to therapy or counselling, but just as a temporary measure to help you out while you are finding life so difficult. When my depression was at its worst and I didn't have any mental health team input, my GP was seeing me every week or fortnight. I had a good relationship with my GP and it helped just to have a sympathetic professional ask me once a week how things had been going over the past week and how I was feeling about life. Is that something you could consider?
(Also, is there any possibility that you could get some more long-term one-to-one counselling or therapy? I read your journal entry about the cr*ppy counsellor who made things so much worse for you. Myself, I had a few dodgy experiences with counsellors (although nothing anywhere near as bad as what you experienced) before I found my current counsellor. My current counsellor, however, I really like; I've been with her for over 2 years and I trust her very much. If it is at all possible, I think it might be really helpful for you if you could find a counsellor you liked and who you could visit for a long period of time - so that you could really get to know them and trust them before revealing to them the really personal stuff to which your cr*ppy counsellor reacted incorrectly. I don't know if it's an option for you to look around among different counsellors and see if you can find a good one who will take you on long-term. I really hope that might be possible for you.)
Finally, if you need to talk, remember there's always the Samaritans (see www.samaritans.org.uk). Alternatively, you could phone Saneline. Saneline is open 1pm - 11pm and calls are charged at local rate. The number is 0845 767 8000. (For more information about Saneline see here: http://www.sane.org.uk/public_html/S.../SANELINE.shtm.) The volunteers who work at Saneline are extremely well trained in mental health issues and personally I can't recommend Saneline highly enough. I phoned them once and the volunteer I talked to really helped me a lot. A friend of mine also phoned them once and found them extremely helpful. I have Saneline's number stored in my mobile. You can call if you are suicidal, or just if you are finding life difficult to deal with. If you do want to talk to somebody at any time over the next few days or weeks, and if you're okay with talking on the phone, then they are a very good option.
In the mean time, please take care of yourself. I really hope you manage to get through this down patch and that life starts to get better for you.
Oh sweetheart, Its ok to feel like your slipping through sometimes. The important thing is to try and resist the urges, you will be a much stronger person for it. I really don't know what else to say its really up to you.
I've got my fingers crossed for you.
PM me anytime you need anything, I really mean it.
<3
Aw, sweetie, I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. You are so strong, you've been through so much, and I am so proud of you for that. I know it can be hard to see when you are feeling low, but you will get through this, we are all here for you, you have a bright future to look forward to hun. Never give up. Please stay safe, if you feel like you might be a danger to yourself can you promise me that you will talk to someone either on here or in real life? I hope you're ok gorgeous.
Jess
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
Thankyou all for your replies and hugs, they are really appreciated. I'm hanging on at the moment, i really don't know what i'd do with RYL and you guys xxx
