I'm a fake

[jessye]

I go through life with a fake persona and a fake smile on. I know to some degree that everyone does this but I'm starting to hate my fake persona almost as much as I hate myself.

I come across as bubbly and kooky and silly. I act full of myself to hide how low my self esteem is. And people talk about how full of myself I am. They're fooled by it. I'm annoying and insincere. I come across like I don't give a **** about anyone or anything. But if people saw the real me they'd hate it even more. I don't know where I end and the acting begins. All I know is that acting happy is the only thing thats stopping me from slipping into a deep depression.

I'm just so tired of acting. Its draining me but I don't know how to stop.

[Aki]

Don't worry too much. Everyone's a fake, I know for a fact that there is no one I've met who is completely genuine.
However, pretending to be happy when you're not can lead to repression of feelings and these can explode out later. I'd try to talk it out with your closest friend/friends or family and just explain the reason as you don't feel very good about yourself. They'll probably be more understanding than you think. :)
Good luck!

[green.eyes]

i agree with Aki about trying to confide in people.
i also think slipping little hints in, like joking about it, can give people enough of an inkling so they're not as hard on you. or just check yourself, if you find yourself acting insincere maybe just follow it with 'i don't really mean that though' or 'you know i'm kidding though'
take care
x

[phoenixflames_forever]

All life is a stage......
Maybe by trying to show the realyou more just bit by bit at a time may help, people who care wouldn't want you to hide your feelings....
Take care xxx

[privileged-outcast]

i do/did this. it's really really draining. i have trust issues and can't confide in anyone.

maybe it'd help if you talk to someone you're close to about it?

sorry this might be a useless post but you're not alone in feeling like this

take care
stay safe

[xfallenangelx]

*hugs* you are not alone in this honey, i know i feel that i am fake a lot of the time because i feel so crap about myself, and its exhausting. i agree with the advice to talk to someone, because otherwise you feel very alone xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Absi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jessye

I come across as bubbly and kooky and silly.

^^ sounds just like me sweetie.

It is terrible draining I know, that is what I hate most about 6th form, the fact that i have to put on an act.

I also went through a stage of feeling that when i was out i was a completely different person to when I'm at home. Then i realised that it's not so different, it's just when your by yourself you allow the depression to overcome you but when your out you manage to control it.

Sorry not at all any help.

but if you need to feel free to pm me.