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Triggering (SI/Abuse) - meds - everything....can't deal with this
They cut my meds down by 33% (from 45mg to 30mg) a week ago. I thought it would be ok because I'd started to feel better recently. But I can really feel it now. I'm feeling more down more often now...the depression was pretty much under control but now it's back. I only changed them because I thought they'd stopped working and because they were making me put on weight and I hated that.
I can't deal with getting depressed again...I just can't cope with it. If I get like I did before, I just won't be able to manage to cope with everything. I'm having trouble now and that's even while I'm still on meds.
I just keep looking at my arms and thinking I want to cut them up. I can imagine the cuts on them and seeing those cuts there would just make me so much calmer...
I'm desperate to do it but I know I'll regret it. I can cut my leg up but that just won't make any difference...I'll still want to cut my arms. I can't deal with this. What am I doing to myself? How did this happen?? This is all too much.
I keep having really weird dreams...they're horrible dreams and I can't deal with it...I can't cope with even having to think of all this stuff when I'm asleep. I just can't manage to do it. These dreams are sick...I disgust myself with them. I don't want this to happen anymore...I'm sick of this...
Please just let it stop!
I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry.
Last edited by everylastbit : 02-04-2008 at 10:12 PM.
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