This is copied/pasta'd from my LJ, but I think it's important to share with y'all. It's a description of my experience in the hospital after an OD... please be careful. These things, they can really **** you up. [totally not trying to preach].
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I've just returned from the ICU [intensive care unit] at the hospital. Remeber those pills I loved to pop so much? Yeah, well, I made a disastrous mixture of two chemicals that I dare not mention, and lost the ability to make intelligent decisions. So, I overdosed. [insert number here] pills were taken a few nights ago, and I almost stopped breathing. I was talking to Rudy [boyfriend] on the telephone. He was incredibly concerned, and asked to call me back so he could 'use the restroom'. Instead, he called Billie [good friend] and told her what I had done.. and if she could call the ambulance. Then he called me back and kept talking to me until the knocking on my door began. The police had to come and forcefully open my door.
I don't remember absolutely any of this, but I know that the ambulance took me to the emergency room and I was hooked up to an IV a few hours. I had to take a piss test [thankfully I haven't smoked weed in a long time], and there were things attached all over my body to monitor my heart rate. My mom said that a few times it fell down to the low 40s.
Today I have a follow-up appointment with the family doctor. I don't want to go on any medication - I DID NOT WANT TO KILL MYSELF. I just missed Rudy so much [in the army], and knew that a few pills would help me forget that he's so far away. And, once a few pills were in my system.. my judgement because disabled and I decided to take them all.
The only thing I wanted was to numb the pain. But instead, I almost died. I almost left Rudy, Billie, Erin, Tony, Jacob, my mom, and countless other people to mourn myself. I'm never popping pills again. And I apologize to those who order pills online, but my mother and I are going to do everything possible to shut those sites down. I can't bear to imagine how many other people like me have popped and were left with fatal consequences. I can't bear to expose them to that danger.. they're prescription drugs for a reason.
Rudy and I will have a future together. I almost threw it away for the sake of temporarily erasing my memory, but now I know that any pain is bearable.. as long as I have the promise of a lifetime with him.
Nessa-
I am so glad you are ok, I am glad that you have decided not to take anymore pills, I know you can do it! Thank you for posting this and opening our eyes up to a very real probably around the world.
I hope you are doing ok, and my thoughts are with you.
xx
Nicole
"Even if hard work and determination doesn't pay off immediatly, it will ALWAYS pay off EVENTUALLY"
Nessa im so so pleased you're ok, I really am, and im glad you're not taking pills anymore. You dont know me I dont think, but you're a lovely person, im so glad you werent lost. xx
*Cuddles* thank god your alright xoxox You prolly dont have any idea who I am but I see you a lot on here and I know you would be very sadly missed, it doesnt bere thinking about. Im pleased you have decided not to mess with benzos anymore. I have been rather stupid with them too recently and I kind of knew how dangerous they were but it didnt seem to register that it could actually happen. But it can, as you have experianced. Take care xoxoxox
L_M_G is my mummy :) inkerman and razorbladedarling are my two non-identical twin sprogs (concieved on same day) Scabette< cos she has the cutest puppy dog eyes and i cant resist!feeling-afraid< my bottle of glitter!! which i just have to have :Pmidnight stars< my gorgeous sister, whom i love to bits ;) Dance With The Fairy< *star*gazing*buddie :] Broken-Fairy is my partner in crime ;) little_miss is my real life saviour PaperClip is my stationary queen
Taking more benzos than you are prescribed, or mixing tablets, can be such a dangerto your health .... you feel so spaced out, drowsy and forgetful, that you have no idea just how many tablets you've taken. It can be exactly the same way when you drink alcohol and take pills too!
While it is dangerous to take too many benzos, I'd also like to point out how dangerous it can be to STOP taking benzos abruptly, especially if you've been taking these tablets for more than a couple of weeks.
Nessa - Seeing as I'm posting this reply almost 2 weeks after the fact, you've probably already moved out of the danger withdrawal period ... but just in case anyone else who has been taking benzos for a while and decides to stop - please get medicaladvice from a doctor before you plan on stopping taking any sort of anti-anxiety medication or sleeping tablets.
I've learned the hard way about the dangers of stopping benzos abruptly, and I ended up having a seizure on the third day cold turkey. Fortunately, I only lost a front tooth from the experience (and had some God-awful nightmares for WEEKS!), but stopping ANY medication you've been taking for a few weeks, can be very dangerous ... and its best to get medical advice and be put on some sort of slow tapering-off program for weaning yourself off the medication/s.
I dont know whether any of my ramblings relates at all to your experience Nessa, but thanks for posting about this, and sharing your experience, and giving me the opportunity to share mine.
And although I'm very sorry you had such a scary and risky experience in hospital, I am so glad that you learned a very important lesson from it ... and that you are still herewith us to be able to SHARE it!
