ok so i'm new here, and i kinda need some advice.. over the last year i've been going through some "changes" that i guess i can try to sum up.. it seems like i've always stuggles with self image/depression, and i've had a habit of subtly doing things to hurt myself (burning, bruising), but i began cutting last summer, which always seems to be a bigger deal.. i've also struggled with bulimia over about the last four months. both of these habits i picked up after losing my faith in god, which is a whole different topic. anyway, a few weeks ago we started covering personality disorders in psych class, and i realized that all of these are major symptoms of borderline personality disorder: constant emptiness, boredom, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, confusion as far as who i am or what i should believe.. i mean, i figured there was something wrong going on with me, but this disorder seemed to sum it up too well..
so my biggest problem is, what do i do now? no one else knows that i have these problems (as far as self injury or anything else) and i feel like i can manage on my own, but if i do have a personality disorder, i'm pretty sure this isn't something that will just go away.. i really don't want to go into therapy, or take pills or anything. i just always feel like i'm crazy, but no one seems to understand, and i have no clue what i'm supposed to do.. i always feel like i hate myself, and thats just another symptom, which just makes me feel more crazy. sorry, i am so ranting, but i've never been able to get this off my chest. does anyone know what i should do? is there anyway i can get some kind of help without people knowing?
Hey..i know talking to someone seems so hard but it really is worth it otherwise everything will just bottle up inside you. Even if just to a friend, family member etc maybe to help sort out how your feeling? And if this works out well maybe consider going and talking to your GP...remember everything is ur decision, you dont have to do anything you dont want to do regarding pills, therapy etc. sorry im not very good with words and stuff but i hope it all works out well for you.
and remeber we are always here for you =]
xx
i agree with Body UnderSiege. also, if you don't want people to know about it that's fine too. generally, unless you are a serious danger to yourself or other people, parents don't need to know. also you don't have to have any treatment you don't want. if your GP suggests soemthing you don't want you are perfectly entitled to say no. 'personality disorders' makes it seem like you must be a nutjob i know, but it's not really ny worse than depression or something.
thanks for the advice you guys.. sorry i realize i probably sound 'paranoid' or something, as far as not wanting people to know.. please don't take that offensively if you have a similar problem, its just really confusing for me right now. last night i was on my floor thinking about how much i wanted to hurt myself, but right now i don't feel that at all. often i feel fine, but what really scared me is last week i felt this urge to hurt myself when i was out with some friends (i can't really explain it), and i thought it was something i could control.. sorry, im kinda ranting again, but thats kinda why i feel i might need help. i havent been cutting or burning myself because i want my scars to go away, but i still have bruises.. i don't really feel like i can talk about this because i don't have any friends that could understand. and sry i feel kinda slow, but what does GP stand for? lol im assuming a counselor or something..
so yea, thanks for the help. i grew up with my mom being on antidepressants and i always feared i would face the same future, but for the time being i don't think i'm going through anything severe enough to turn really need that (hopefully). my teacher says that people are only diagnosed with disorders if it begins to ireally nterfere with their lives, and right now i feel like i am strong enough to deal. but then again, sometimes i don't feel ok about myself, i go through mood swings (i was in one when i originally posted this, sry). so i'm going to try to deal on my own, but i feels better to get this out and know that there are people who can maybe relate. thanks again! ~sarah
I think it's a bit tricky to just read symptoms of personality disoders cuz they usually fit like half of the world's population...just a consideration.
GP is your general practitioner, idk what you call it in the US, just your normal family doc or whatever. it's good that you don't feel it's too bad, but speaking to a professional about it could help you to prevent it getting worse, if you wanted that.
