Triggering (SI) - Im just so lonely,so down,so desperate to dissappear

I smile...bcos i am free · 13-06-2007, 02:01 AM

I am losing it...i swear. The tears don't stop falling.I can't seem to even force a fake smile on my face these days.The stupid tablets dont work. God, i need a cuddle.I feel so lonely.It feels like i have no friends...they've all dissappeared.It's so confusin
I'm losing ti sooo bad.I'm sat here, staring at it, looking so hard.I love the taste, the smell and it helps me sleep.Alcohol used to be my saviour, now i cant pluck up the courage to take a sip.I kno if i do, ill never stop.
I wanty to cut too, but i have no blades.Nothing.But if i start, i wont stop.
I dream of walking across a road tomorrow and getting hit by something, anything.I want to die but don't have the courage to do it myself.
I've stopped talking too.That's why im here.I don't talk about anything anymore. No1 knows i want sooo bad to die, to cut, to drink until i collapse in a drunken state.No1 knows that i'm trying so hard to force a smile upon my face andhold the tears, the pain, the anguish back so hard.
I just want to die, thats all. Or even just cut and drink.
Please......im just sooo lonely.

i wear socks · 13-06-2007, 02:44 AM

I'm really sorry you're feeling so low. I don't really know what to say, but we're all here for you. *hugs* I really am sorry.

fitofdestiny · 13-06-2007, 03:03 AM

*hugs* I'm here if you want to talk. You aren't alone. You're never alone as long as you are a member of this site. Almost everyone on here will be there for you when you need it and talk to you and help you in any way possible. You said something about stupid tablets? Is it possible they are making things worse? I'm going to make an assumption here that they are doctor prescribed depression meds? Perhaps you should go see your doctor/psychiatrist and tell them you need your meds changed or else need to be taken off them because you are having a bad reaction. *hugs* We're all here you for. You can talk to me anytime. My inbox is always open.

_plastic · 13-06-2007, 08:00 PM

My dear Meghanne,
You don't have to make a smile for the world ,let all come out ,cry it helps to get relieved , sounds silly -but it is true ,death needs less courage than life .
Why do you feel like your friends has disappeared ? I"m pretty sure you have few good ones ,pick up the phone and call them ,
You are strong and brave for posting and confessing that you don't feel good.
Stay safe .
PM if you want
*hugs*

craola · 14-06-2007, 02:37 PM

Hi hun,
Im sorry you're struggling so much at the moment, it sounds like you need to get some support to help you cope with how you're feeling. If you're feeling suicidal you need to let someone know. Its really good that you're fighting the urge to drink and cut, it shows how strong you are.
Maybe you could go see your GP, they will be able to give you support, and help you cope with how you're feeling.
You're never on your own, RYL is always here,
poke me if you ever want to talk.
Aimee xx

jlc2010 · 14-06-2007, 09:01 PM

hey..just remember one thing, ur not alone. but the only way ur gonna get help w/ ur problems is talking 2 someone. alcohol, cutting, and dying only gets rid of the pain but it doesnt solve anything. yes, u can always talk 2 ppl on RYL, but try talking 2 someone in person, like, do u have anyone u can trust? like ur parents or someone? ur not alone in this world, there's always someone out there who's willing to listen and who's willing to help. its up 2 u to hang on, b strong, and find that person who can help u.