cos at this moment i really dont think this depression will ever stop or ever go away
i just want to be ok not even happy just ok, is that an awful lot to ask for? i dont think so but for sum reason ive been cursed with this constant dark mood..
it feels like im falling nd i cant stop myself nd have no1 2 help me.. i know im prob like a broken record cos ive said this loads of times already but i have 2 get it off my chest, this is the only place i feel safe to say it..
i hate myself.... my arms nd legs are covered in scars from cutting nd now burn marks
my physiotherapist saw them today(i think he saw them b4 but didnt want to say anything)nd asked me about them.... do ya know wat i did?? i laughed it off even tho i was screamin inside wantin to tell him that i dont want to live anymore nd i do it so i can feel something.but i didnt. i made up an excuse then so that i didnt have to go running wit him 2day...
normally i would never miss a run cos its the only thing keepin me alive but im even starting to lose interest in that...... i dont see the point in doing anything, everything is so hard
Of course its not too much to ask for sweetheart, everyone deserves to feel happy and free. I know it doesnt seem like it right now, but you can get through this, and things always change, even when it feels like you're doing nothing.
Have you tried seeing a counsellor? It sounds like it could really help you to have someone (in 'real life') to talk to about this, I know how overwhelming everything can seem when you're trying to cope by yourself.
good luck hun, I really hope things start to improve for you soon
xxxx
I ask for this everyday of my life Bitzy. I find myself crying out about it. I don't think it is too much for anyone to expect to be OK.
Re running, I realise it is hard as I have pretty much given up on most things as well (including coxing my rowing crew). I am constantly being encouraged to take up running again as exercise is proven to help combat depression. It sounds like you run to a good level. I wouldn't want you to throw away all your hard work but neither should you feel any pressure if you can't do it as much as you usually would. Just try and keep up whatever you feel you can and every time you manage to go and run, remember to be proud of yourself because in the depths of depression just doing something is an achievement.
Wow, should take my own advice
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
hey thanx for the reply
wow rowing,excellent sport..... love to try it
ya u should go back running defo it is really the only thing thats kept me alive the last two years
no i dont think i could ever stop 2 be honest even tho sometimes i feel like theres no point, i would off my game completely if i stopped
i managed 10k yesterday in 47 mins i was so happy..... the depression always comes back tho, running just eleviates it a bit
do u run urself??
Kate xx
Just the fact that you want to be 'just ok' is very good progress.. it sounds strange, but You arent setting yourself an unreasonable goal...taking small steps! Its a step in the right direction.
And i have to admire you for running, im a bit poo at all that stuff :D
xxx
It's good that you're feeling a bit better. Everyone should have the right to feel happy Kate, and it's a shame you're not, because you're so lovely and kind and funny...
Keep holding on hun, you will get through this, loads of people care about you and I'm sorry if this didn't help.
xxxx
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