i'm scared *ED/SI trigger*

_Cadence_ · 12-06-2007, 08:30 PM

i'm going to fail my test tomorrow if i don't study. i haven't even been to class, but i can't concentrate. i have less than 24 hours til the test and i'm not studying. i'm too scared. it's not even difficult. all i wanna do is cut and eat. i'm on the verge of breaking down. and it's all my fault. i should have been taking the antidepressants. i don't even know why i stopped. i guess i was scared of getting better. i can't concentrate. if i fail this test i'll ruin my grade. i need to do well so i don't get kicked out of my college. i came so close to being dropped last semester. i can't handle this. i really can't handle this. my therapist isn't helping either. she just aggravates me. i don't know what to do. i used to restrict and exercise for hours and stay at the top of my class and now i can't do any of them. i don't know what to do. i can't fail this test.

:c rying:

:cry ing:

:cryin g:

Jasmine222222 · 12-06-2007, 08:37 PM

Sounds like both your therapist and your meds aren't the best for you. Sometimes things that are supposed to help have the opposite effect--maybe you should look into changing both your therapist and your medication.

As for your schooling, I can't make you go to class, although I wish i could, hehe. Just remember why you started college in the first place. You had to have some dream, some idea of the person you want to be come. Hold on to that, and start studying. You'll get there.

Just snack on something small, like crackers, so you don't feel like your bingeing but you're getting some kind of brainfood. Remember, you only have a day and you can breathe easy, no matter how you do. Good luck!

_Cadence_ · 12-06-2007, 08:45 PM

hey, thanks, i know i should go to class, but it's really difficult, i know this sounds pathetic since it was so long ago, but when i hear people cough or clear their throat or do anything like that it reminds me of being sexually abused years ago. i hate it. i love school though... i just wish i could concentrate better again. :( thanks!

*keeley* · 12-06-2007, 09:44 PM

hun, you know you need to go to class so im not going to lecture you about it!
from your post you sound really stressed. try calming down, have a cup of tea and work out what you need to learn for your test. youve said yourself its not hard. you know you can do it.
have you thought about the connextion between stopping your anti depressants and your mood? its a common side effect when you go cold turkey. i think you should talk to your doctor about this. if your therapist isnt helping why do you go? are you sure you dont get anything out of it, you must if you still go? i know it sometimes feels that there not helping but they are trying there best, sometimes just having somewhere to get some 'head space' can be beneficial.
take care sweetie
xxxd