OK. So this may be long and may not make sense but please bear with me.
So, I'm friends with this guy and I knew from the third day I met him that he was interested in me. Fair enough. I went back to his flat that night and we had a nice, if somewhat weird, night. I didn't sleep with him considering the fact that I was in complete and utter shock at the whole situation. I acted like a dumbass.
Still, time goes on and I carry on speaking to him on MSN. He explained that he was not looking for a relationship because of his health problems (and later on admits that he didn't want to hurt me since he's unable to stay faithful).
For a long time after I feel really hurt but I also understand and eventually things get back to normal. I meet him for a coffee, we chat, it's fine. Then I decided a few days ago that it would be nice to meet up again so I ask.
We arrange to meet the next day and after walking around for a bit go back to his because it's bloody roasting and we had no suncream. Anyway, not long after we get back he starts coming on to me again. He explained again when I got there that he wasn't looking to be with me. And I was OK with that. So we stay in the rest of the night and I slept with him. Woke up this morning feeling OK still. Went home, still fine. Right now, still fine.
So, what I'm getting at is - does this make me a bad person? That I'll just sleep with this guy, a friend? I don't feel that we really did anything wrong, no one was forced into anything. A little voice at the back of my head though is telling me that I'm a whore. That I'm too easy. That I just fell so easily because I'm desperate for someone to be loving and caring.
I'm also worried that he didn't mean some of the things he said about me. He probably says them to everyone to get them into bed. I hate the thought that he's lying. I don't imagine I'll get the truth if that's not it.
I don't know. In all I have no regrets and I know that he's not looking to make this a habit but that he's also not ruling out doing it again. If it's OK with both of us then does that make the situation all right? We're being careful about it.
I'm such a freak for sleeping with any willing guy. :(
Edit: I meant to put this in the GS&A forum. Oops.
[REPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID - Honk if you're Scottish!]
In my opinion, sex between two single consenting adults is not wrong.
If youre both happy with the situation then fine.. just be careful, because i find it tends to happen that one person develops actual feelings for the other, where as the other person sees it as still being mates who have sex.
Also.. and i know youve only slept together once, but if is going to be a regular thing, consider how you will feel if he sleeps with someone else or vice versa.. or what will happen if either of you meets someone you want to be in a relationship with.
also.. *goes into Jeremy Kyle mode* dont forget to use contraception, as you and him are not in a commited relationship, he is within his rights to be sexing whoever he wants.
I agree with the above poster. You're definately not a whore, since you didn't bang ten people in that same night (or did you? ;) ). Just make sure you watch the situation very carefully, because if you are a vunerable person, or desparate for love, like you say, you may develop feelings. I hope you don't get hurt.
So long as you have no regrets though, enjoy it. Someday you'll end up with someone you truly want to stay with, and if youre young, why look now? hehe. Have fun and be safe!
sex is not evil, nor is it bad. irresponsibility with regards to sex is really what people have issues with (not practicing safe sex resulting in unwanted/teen pregnancies, disease transmission). this is important to remember: sex is not evil. sex is not dirty. having sex does not make you a bad person.
from what you are saying is that you don't feel bad about what you did, but you are feeling guilty because you think you should feel bad but don't. this is where you need to set your own rules for life. what are your personal morals and values? what is ethically right to you? find those and stand by those. the problem with society (and not to offend but religion plays a big part here) is that morals, values, and ethics vary so much between cultures and even more between individuals, yet the society you live in (influenced by whatever religion) will tell you what *should* be right and wrong. that doesn't make it right though.
you're ok in my book. nothing to be ashamed of.
It’s funny. When you think of someone saving a life, you think of them doing some great heroic act. When really, sometimes it’s just being there for someone, so they don’t do something incredibly tragic.
Thanks for the replies guys. I guess I just needed other people's opinions.
Yeah, we used contraception. I'm Miss Paranoid 2007 though and hate that nothing's 100% effective. Oh well.
I did think about how I'd feel if he slept with someone else. I felt OK with it. Now that I'm back home though I'm a little less 'who gives a f**k?' about the whole situation than I was. I'm fine though I think.
I don't think I could handle a real relationship right now and he says he's there for me if I ever fancy some 'fun'. He thinks it'd be good for me, a bit of an ego boost and a good time, and at first I wasn't sure. But I think maybe it could be. Just so long as I'm not told about his other conquests. I wouldn't be told by him anyway. He doesn't pry into my goings on like that so in turn I don't pry either.
Hmm. :/
[REPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID - Honk if you're Scottish!]
If you both consented and your both ok with it then who cares? As far as i can see he's being honest with you about not wanting a relationship and isnt leading you on or anything so you know where you stand.
Just try not to get emotionally attached in the wrong way, things could get messy.
You arent rooting a new guy every night, so i dont think youre a whore. Sex between two consenting adults is completely fine. And, tbh, lots of people have friends with benefits, even i do.
Its just a bit of fun, you just gotta make sure you use contraception. =)
Well, sorry to resurrect this thread but rather that than make a new one, eh?
So, this is still going on. It's fine when it's happening and we're messing with each other but after, when I'm thinking, it almost hurts a little that the only reason it's me and not some other girl is because I'm willing. That's all it is about me, nothing else.
I'm a sucker for anyone who shows any interest and he's so sweet to me. It could all end in tears though.
I don't want to stop this though, I can't. How can you say no to someone who kisses you all over and can't stop cuddling you and wants to look after you when your stomach's cramping and whatnot? :/
[REPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID - Honk if you're Scottish!]
i agree with the other posts. i did that with a guy on the first date (slept with him) we still talk, but we haven't had a date since. i don't really regret. so don't let society make you feel like a "slut" (society's word for a girl who acts like a guy ;) ) But do be careful about feelings. cause if he's just being casual and you're not, you could get hurt.
