does anyone else with BPD do this??

[shellz1986]

Hi there,
I have a very strange and emabarrassing problem with i am worries to tell my dr about. It is a bit complicated but i will try and explain. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about 5 years ago after haveing severe emotional problems since i was ten.

Recently i have been very obssessive abotu people and it is starting to ruin my life again. I am a university student in my third year and have a very busy schedule of classes. Trouble is this problem is starting to affect my attendance to these classes.

Anyway the problem is that i obsessively worry aboout my GP. Over the past month i have had to phone the surgery to make appointments with him, which i cancel half an hour later, juat to check that he is at work and that he is alive. I also add 15 minutes on to my journey to uni every morning to chanck that his car in in the carpark (this is especially important on days when i have an appointment, and on these days i will check at least 4 times). I also go for walks along his route too and from work jsut so i can see him driving and know that he is ok.

I DONT do this because i have feelings for him ( many doctors in the past have put this problem down to infactuation). It is just that i worry that he will die or quit his job or leave me like so many people have done in the past. I feel that if i dont obsessively check each day that something bad will happen and i will be punished by never seeing him again.

I really dontr know what to do as i am afraid if i tell him, he will think im some sort of weird stalker. I would really love to tell someone, i am just worries of the consequences.

Does anyone else get feelings like this, or am i just a complete idiot?

Shelley

[shellz1986]

I t maight sound really stupid but it truly is ruining my life!!

Yuhuh I do that, but like, that was put under my OCD diagnosis not my BPD diagnosis, but BPD is characatersised by intense relationshiups, so it could be both I guess. You're not aloneand you don't sound crazy to me.

[*..life in pain..*]

Im not diagnosed with BPD, but i used to do what you do, with my mom, last year. I mean i was so sure that she would die and i was calling her every hour and finding lame excuses so that i could hear her voice and see she is ok. I was remembering her last words before she went out, so that if she died, i would remember her last words. When she was late, i was crying and crying, until she had come home, because i was sure that she had died and that she had left me. I was afraid that she would abandon me.

is that somehow how you feel??

[Stellata]

Yes. I understand.
I worry, although I don't go to the extent of checking.
It is probably insecurity. I know it is for me.

[Starz*]

Sounds like fear of abandonment.

I dont have BPD but when my depression and s/h all first started 4 yrs ago i had 'obsessions' with people. There was mainly one big one. Shes a famous person, im not sure what it was about her but i even got my friend to cut out anything he found in newspapers about her and id buy EVERYTHING with her in it etc etc.

I also kinda feel something 'different' towards my gp and therapist. im guessing its coz they support me and im scared of rejection or them leaving me.ive never spoke about it before.

i dont think you're alone with these sort of feelings.

[Pomegranate]

I am still waiting for confirmation but been told they think I have BPD. But yeah, I do that and it is something I don't really feel able to explain to people either. I, damn this is even embarassing over the net lol, I walk a certain way back to my uni accommodation to check one of the nurses that helps me is working, and I look them up, like on facebook etc. I guess for me it is a combination of being afraid they will abandon me and also needing to know that they are who they say they are sort of thing.

But yeah, I do it too and also feel really uncomfortable about doing it.

[shellz1986]

thanks i feel better knowing that it is not only me x

[*..life in pain..*]

it happened to me with one of my teachers at school too.i always wanted to meet her, i was friends with her daughter, i cried when i found out she wouldn't be teaching me next year, i had her mobile number and was calling her without saying who i am.But it happened 4 years ago.

[wishfordeath]

Oh yes I do this all the time.

I have BPD aswell and "Pathological attachment issues with females"

I get obssesed with people (women) all the time and start thinking that they have to help me and they're the only person who can help me and I want them to be my friend and to care about and love me.

It ruins my life aswell, I get so bad that 3 people have put restraining orders on me and I had to spend 6 months in a mental hospital/prison because I broke one of the restraining orders like 20 times - I was threatening to kill myself in front of her and sent her a letters covered in blood. I even tried to fly to the city where she lived to do it twice. I would sit at home and spend hours and hours thinking about her everyday and I would spend hours everyday obsessivley searching for stuff on her on the internet. Even when I tried to stop myself I couldn't.

The mental health system won't let females help me anymore. I understand it but it sucks for me becuase I don't like males and I don't like talking to them so bassicaly im %^*&#*

Even worse because all the "nice" people have abandoned and rejected me i've started feeling this way towards "nastier" type of people.

[The Midnight Crazies]

I understand that, I'm not diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, but I tend to worry a lot about people I care for too, and sometimes I'm certain they'll die soon.

Marte

[Queer Fringe]

I know excactly how you feel hun, I do this, but I haven't been diagnosed with anything [apparently im fine] *coughs* I also know how you feel about not wanting people to leave you when they have helped...I also worry about that. I know that was no help but I wanted to let you know you're not alone...Take Care.xx

[Ami]

i can relate abit but not too the extreme.

the point is, i guess, that you are not alone here.

im sorry you do this. are you getting help for your BPD?
x

[shellz1986]

yeah i have been getting help for 7 years, stuggling alot at the moment though and proffessionals are struggling to know how to help me

[Queer Fringe]

aww I definatley know that feeling, except its more like they don't want to help me...sorry...take care sweetie.xx

[Misunderstood.]

wow, i never thought i'd ever see anyone else post about this. I am also diagnosed BPD,..and have always been obsessed with one person [tho different ppl at different times but its constant] since 9 yrs ago :// i've always got them on my mind..ALWAYS and i cant stop thinking about them. i draw / write stuff about them and look at places where they go online etc.
i've never told my psych about it but at one point i thought i had attachment disorder cos i went into hospital young i.e away from parents.
so yeah before i ramble on too much about me - u definitely arent the only one..{{hugs}}

[beautiful&dying]

Nothing much to add except add myself to the list of people who've had both a BPD diagnosis and strange intense relationships and obsessions with people. There's not much I've found I can do except try and be rational and remember that I am not the centre of thier world the way they are to me, but that's much easier said than done/ Anything I can help with, or talk through, I'm only a PM away hun.
xxxxxxxxx

[smile5]

I haven't been diagnosed with BPD, but its a possibility. You know I always thought there was something wrong with me for doing this. I get way too attached to therapists and gp's. I too have looked them up on facebook etc. I don't know if I could tell my therapists that. I always daydream that they will take care of me and comfort me. I always worry that someone will die or their relative will die, because I hate to see them hurt and don't think they will be up to help support and look after me.