I am trying so hard to be positive and all. It just doesn't seem to want to happen.
I've done no revision. I feel so lonely. I just want to curl up into a ball and fade away.
I'm cutting really bad again, deep, gaping, horrible things. I'm making scars again and it hurts. I went nearly 3 months and fucked up big time. I don't want to stop though, it's what keeps me going.
I want somebody to scoop me up in their arms and tell me that everything will be fine. But at the same time I find that comfort in SI. Cleaning up a wound, looking after myself, hiding it. Makes me believe that I don't need anyone to look after me, I can look after myself just fine.
But I can't. This isn't healthy, is it? Needing stitches but never getting them. Not having proper first aid stuff to clean myself up. I wipe the blood away and then leave them. I just don't care.
I'm a walking contradiction, I make no sense. I just need someone right now. Really need someone. Things are getting so hard and it's easy to fade away.
*scoops you up in my arms and tells you that everything will be fine*
"I hate being so weak. I really do."
You're not weak.
You are supportive and helpful and have been good to me on my thread.
No, it's not healthy.
But that doesn't mean that it's "wrong".
It is a coping mechanism, and until you're ready to stop you won't be able to.
PM me if you need someone to talk to.
Take care.
xxxxx
For what it's worth it was worth all the while. I hope you had the time of your life...
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh; I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
~ ddoouubbllee lleetttteerr tthhrreeaaddeerr
~ honourary emma
~ honourary katY [Kat*Y* with a *Y* Club]
Firstly, you are certainly NOT weak at all. The fact that your still here fighting strong shows you are not weak;you are a very strong person, keep telling yourself that.
I can understand and relate to how your feeling. But i wanted to just remind you that you are NOT alone at all, everyone at RYL are here for you. We all care about you.
Also, well done on 3 months being SH free. That is a huge achievement in itself, so you should be proud of yourself. Try not to focus on having a slip up. At the end of the day, we all slip up. If you were able to do those three months, you will be able to do a further 3 months, then another 3 months, and before you know you will have done a year.
What triggered you to cut? Maybe you can have a think about what triggered you, and if there are any problems that you could try and resolve to lessen the urges of cutting.
I hope your ok, and feel free to PM me anytime you want.
Take care.
x x x
[If you think you can win, then you can win. Faith is necessary to victory]
You are DEFINITELY not weak. You are so supportive and strong to everyone. I know things are hard right now, but things WILL get better eventually. As for the cutting 3 months is a huge deal! Everything else I could say seems to have already been said, but I'm here if you need someone to talk to. PM or IM me anytime.
Thank you for your replies.
I hate myself right now. I feel so fat. I don't like eating all I'm told I should eat. I feel so ugly. I wanna curl up into a ball.
I wanna rip myself to shreds. Fuck, I wanna bleed, so badly.
I lied today. My friend asked me how long it has been since I last cut and I told her I'd lost count....LIE. Big, fat fucking lie. Try days.
I just want to stop the world from turning. This hurts too much.
