Adult - Sick Of Living This Way (Poem)

[Chrissy]

Take it away
I can’t stand another day
Of living this way
Every part of me feels the shame
I’m sick and theres no one to blame
Stay away, I might infect you
Don’t touch, I could be contagious
You don’t want to be sick too
Have people looking at you the way they do
None of this should be true
But here I am
I’m sick, infect, contagious
I can’t stand living this way
Just let them take me away
Just put me away
Keep me safe from myself
I’m a danger to my health
I’ll never get better
I’m stuck like this
Always SICK
Take me away
I can’t stand another day of living this way

please comment, I really want to know what you think. Constructive criticism is welcome. Tanky!!!

[Buttons.]

hey there, this has some really good ideas but I think that a slightly different rhyming pattern or format might do it the world of good, something like this maybe?:
Please take it away
Save me, I beg you
From living this way.

Every part of me writhes with shame
I’m sick and theres no one else to blame
Stay away from me don't catch my pain
Disease is contagious don't turn out the same..

People look through me
You know this is true
I'm dying ... free me

and so on, in this particular poem i think lyrical is a good style so I gave it a kind of 'chorus' with longer lines and a different rhyming pattern from the 'verses' which are 3 brief lines, each with five syllables. hope i ahvent over stepped the mark, just my thoughts.
katy
xxx